Archives for September 2010

Sex, nudity, pizza and free beer

So September 20’s post was a fun, no-pressure introduction to the three major types of financial statements and how they work. The results?

a) No one commented, and
b) No one pointed out that we promised to follow up on the details in the next post and didn’t.

Conclusion: reading financial statements is boring. Explaining how to read financial statements is boring. Even poking fun at how boring it is to read financial statements is apparently boring.

What do you want from us? No one said deciphering financial statements was interesting, except Warren Buffett, and do you want to take lifestyle advice from a polygamist who still lives in a house assessed at $700,000 despite having $36 billion to his name?

Let’s do this as pithily as possible and see where it leads:

If you’re looking to invest in a particular company, you can’t just go by word of mouth or general feeling. Worse yet, you don’t want to concern yourself with how pretty a graph the company’s stock price has been plotting recently (this is called technical analysis, and it’s the financial equivalent of phrenology.) Stupidest of all is the investment strategy that equates being a customer with being a shareholder.

You need to research, at least a little. Are you willing to spend a couple of hours to potentially earn yourself hundreds or thousands (or just as importantly, not cost yourself that much)? You should be, assuming you enjoy money and how easy it can make your life.

There are only 3 types of financial statements you need to know about. Any other ones you come across aren’t that important, at least not at this stage of the game. You find them at sec.gov/edgar/searchedgar/companysearch.html.

Enter the company name, scroll down to the first appearance of “10-K” in the left column, click on “Interactive Data”. Among other things, you’ll find the critical financial statements:

Income statements. Balance sheets. Cash flow statements. That’s it. Describing what’s in each one in sufficient detail could give us a year’s worth of blog posts, but let’s do this in digestible chunks.

What an income statement tells you, you can hopefully deduce from its title. Income is the difference between the revenue the company generated and the expenses it incurred, over a fixed period (usually a year, occasionally a quarter.)

Income statement (actual size)

Peruse the categories if you want, but the most important number at this point is the difference between gross income and expenses: net income, or in common parlance, profit.

But you can’t just rank companies by net income and say whichever one makes the most money is thus the best investment. You have to look at the relative sizes of the companies. Everything else being equal, a company that makes $100 million on revenues of $500 million is more impressive than one that makes $110 million on revenues of $1 billion.

A balance sheet tells you how much in assets the company has on hand, and how much it has in outstanding liabilities. The difference between them is called shareholders’ equity, which is one traditionally accepted measure of the company’s value.

Columns of numbers!

Over how long a period? A year?

You don’t listen, do you?
It’s the amount of assets and liabilities the company has (present tense), not the amount it acquired (past tense). That means it counts every dollar the company has ever taken in and hasn’t yet spent, minus every obligation it’s ever had and hasn’t yet settled. So in theory, a company could have a different balance sheet every millisecond. While an income statement refers to a particular period, a balance sheet refers to One Moment In Time, just like your prom did. Only without the awkward makeout sessions and vomiting.

Since shareholders’ equity, the value of the company, is assets minus liabilities by definition, you can understand why we keep hammering you to buy assets and sell liabilities. Divide net earnings (from the income statement) into shareholders’ equity and you get return on shareholders’ equity, a number that gives you an idea of how long it takes an investment in the company to pay for itself.

Finally, a cash flow statement tells you if the company’s bringing in more than it’s spending, and how much. That sounds straightforward, but it can occasionally be complicated (a rare repudiation of the oracular pronouncements in our book, Control Your Cash: Making Money Make Sense. Here’s the only other one.) There are 3 ways a company can generate revenue: via operations, investments, and financing.

Sorry, ran out of jokes. Alright, maybe this stuff is a little tedious

Operations is hopefully pretty clear. For Caterpillar, it’s making and selling lift trucks. For Anheuser-Busch, it’s brewing and selling beer. For General Motors, it’s collecting undeserved money from you and tens of millions of other taxpayers.

Unless the company in question is a financial firm, Investments is probably going to be a negative number, because it includes buying expensive things that help keep the company growing – factories and stuff. The category also includes buying and selling securities that have little or nothing to do with the company’s core business. For instance, if they have cash on hand, putting it in securities (Treasury bills, currency, other companies’ stocks or bonds) on behalf of the shareholders.

Financing includes issuing and buying back the company’s own stock and bonds. That means bringing new investors on board (usually healthy, if the company isn’t growing just for the sake of growing) and borrowing money (bad if it’s done for reasons other than covering new capital expenditures, paying it back with interest, and not risking default.)

Next time, or whenever we get around to it depending on the quality and quantity of this week’s comments, we’ll explain what desirable financial statements look like.

**This post is featured in the Carnival of Wealth #7-Entrepreneurship Edition**

**This post is featured in the Festival of Stocks**

Relax, You’re Swimming In It

Iguazu Falls, where $231 worth of water flows per second

Do you know how much that dripping faucet in your kitchen is costing you? If it drips once a second, 24 hours a day, it’ll cost you…

So little that a standard 8-digit calculator can have trouble measuring it.

When you go to other personal finance blogs that give useless “money-saving tips” like “use less water”, you’re wasting your time. And possibly some water, but that shouldn’t matter. The overzealous conservation of water is pseudoscientific, pseudoeconomic nonsense.

Kids were getting indoctrinated with screeds about the scarcity of water at least in the 1970s, and probably earlier. Here’s a gem that social studies textbooks still use:

Of all the water on earth, <3% of it is freshwater, and almost all of that is in glaciers. Only .01% is in surface water – lakes and rivers.

OMG we’re running out! We’re going to be a desert planet soon! Either that, or we’ll have to develop gills!

Congratulations, you just fell victim to a mathematical parlor trick. Percentages don’t mean a thing, only raw numbers do. The 310 million cubic miles of seawater on the planet are irrelevant to the discussion of fresh water. The only purpose they serve is to make the amount of fresh water on the planet look relatively small. If the entire Sahara turned to seawater tomorrow, the percentage of the earth’s water that’s fresh would fall but the amount of fresh water wouldn’t change. The earth’s surface water works out to about 100,000 cubic yards per person. You’re not going to die of thirst.

It’s Control Your Cash’s sacred duty to tear into other bloggers’ hogwash – especially after reading something as ludicrous as the following indefensible feel-good comments that sound great but signify nothing.

We asked the author of the following italicized lines if she wanted attribution. She politely declined. Remember, this is an attack on the post, not the person. Still, someone’s probably going to end up crying:

 

We use water every day for a number of reasons, but the bottom line is that water is a necessity.

Thank you. These are the kind of incisive, groundbreaking research findings that make most blogs such a pleasure to read. What are your feelings on air: necessity, or luxury? How about food?

Everyone likes to unwind in the shower after a hard day at work, but taking long unnecessary showers will definitely rack up that water bill.

 

No it won’t. Soon, we’re going to watch math work its magic.

Instead of taking a twenty minute (sic) shower try taking a ten minute (sic) one.

Also, a 9-minute shower will use less water than a 10-minute one. And if you want to use less water than a 20-minute shower, but aren’t quite ready for a 10-minute one, you might want to try a 15-minute shower. Other acceptable shower lengths in this range include 11-minute, 12-minute, and 17-minute.

20 gallons of water cost 1¢ in Control Your Cash’s neighborhood. A typical low-flow showerhead expels 1.5 gallons per minute, so by showering for 10 fewer minutes a day, you’d save 23¢ a month. Assuming you can shorten your shower by 10 minutes in the first place.

When we go into the bathroom to brush our teeth we just let the water run. Try turning it off while you brush your teeth.

Turning the water off while brushing your teeth will save significantly less than a penny. 1 gallon per minute is standard for bathroom faucets, and that’s at full power. Let’s assume half power, and even that seems liberal. The Sonicare Flexcare toothbrush cleans your teeth in exactly 2 minutes, or enough time to use .05¢ worth of water.

Many of us like to wash our vehicles at home, but this could be costly.

 

Nope. Just proved that. 5-gallon bucket = ¼¢. If your vehicle is a Los Angeles-class submarine, maybe washing it could be costly. Then again, you probably don’t keep it at home. Plus submarines stay wet as a matter of course.

It will be much cheaper in the long run to…collect rain water (sic, does anyone here understand compound words or hyphens?) to use when washing your vehicle.

This is the last refuge of the desperate blogger: a logically sound statement that makes zero practical sense. Yes, the clouds don’t charge for water. But unless you live in Cherrapunji, it’s going to take you a while to collect the raw material for your next car wash.

(In case you’re not getting it: no one is encouraging you to waste water. But unless you’re hiking Zion Canyon in the middle of summer, discarding a few ounces isn’t going to kill you.)

Dripping faucets are an annoyance. They’re not a financial drain, to coin a phrase, that’ll bankrupt you if you don’t immediately fix them. (Heck, one hour of a plumber’s labor would already put you in a hole impossible to dig out of in your lifetime, if you’re weighing it against the water you save.) If you want to collect rainwater to wash your car with, knock yourself out. If you want to take showers that are shorter than the average Ramones song, fine. But don’t kid yourself into thinking that there’s an economic rationale for it.

Charity is for suckers

Apparently you can use a pen, can't you? Fill out a job application with one.

 

Can you stomach a first-person story? We try not to do these, but here’s one with a greater purpose. After reading it, your disposable income should increase (or at least not decrease.)

20 years ago your blogger was a recent college graduate with dreams of being on the radio*, living in downtown Toronto – a central business district so dense that it can’t help but be pedestrian-friendly. To get to work every morning (at the office of a crooked penny stock promoter, now mercifully out of business), I’d walk a mile or so from my condo to a high-rise office on Bay Street (Wall Street’s smaller, colder, less influential, eternally apologetic sister with an inferiority complex.) En route I’d pass by College Park, a vintage shopping mall whose wide sidewalks served as a depository for dozens of the city’s beggars, buskers, and Deadheads looking to make a better world by receiving money in exchange for things made of hemp (or not.)

Some of the street musicians were fairly talented, if Indigo Girls covers with tambourine accompaniment happened to be your thing. But as the Napster defendants argued, music was meant to be free. Thus I’d never give my serenaders money. The soundtrack in my head was entertainment enough.

Among the beggars and their slightly more motivated brethren, one person stuck out. He was a quadruple amputee with what remains one of the sunniest dispositions I’ve ever witnessed. Shirtless, bearded, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, he’d say hi to everyone who walked by. His arms stopped somewhere around the elbow, his legs were a mystery. Sometimes he was there with a handler, sometimes he wasn’t, or maybe during those absences the handler was getting food. Or cigarettes. The beggar would somehow manage to smoke by holding the cigarette between his stumps and placing the butt on his wheelchair whenever he got tired, which I’m guessing was often. Normally I’d argue that smoking cigarettes is for idiots, but I’ll reserve judgment on someone whose smoke-filled lungs were among the most functional parts of his body.

I never learned the beggar’s name, but the black humor hemisphere of my brain christened him “One”, after the Metallica song.

Some days I’d hope to get there before he’d set up shop for the day, because there’s another part of my brain that would refuse to not give him money. Every time, whatever was in my wallet was his. Occasionally that meant a $50 bill, which I could ill afford. Yet it was all I could do to restrain myself from stopping passersby and insisting that they follow suit. “Look, I don’t give money to beggars either. But this guy’s different.”

One day, One disappeared. Which isn’t noteworthy: beggars aren’t renowned for their permanence. Without having any details about his departure, I could imagine my own happy ending: his biological family had misplaced him after birth (stubby kids are easy to lose), spent decades searching for him and finally found him. A visiting European princess took him under her wing (or her arm.) Something good, because God knows he deserved it.

A few months later the stock promoter put me out of my misery. I applied for a job at CFRB 1010 – Canada’s biggest, most powerful radio station. Wore my best** suit and tie, met with the program director, laughed at his jokes and tried to make my laughter sound authentic. He shook my hand, I said I’d find my own way out.

Down the hallway, I passed a semi-open door and heard an unmistakable high-pitched voice.

One. All by himself, conducting phone surveys. With a headset attached to his head and a pen in his mouth.

Fortunately his back was turned, so I didn’t bother disturbing him. He wouldn’t have recognized me anyway.

At that moment, an epiphany: I vowed I would never give money to anyone, either via an institution or hand-to-hand, if that person had at least one functioning limb.

No example you give can trump this. The teenage mother with multiple kids, the illegal alien, the woman who ate herself into superobesity, the meth addict whose parents didn’t hug him enough: they can all go to the Fifth Ring and share a skewer when a man who’s completely helpless can find gainful employment.

Some ambulatory people like to self-tithe, or to convince themselves that their residency on this planet requires them to care for “the less fortunate” for some reason. Taken to its logical extension, that would mean we’d never do anything productive, creating any wealth. We’d each be spending our time endlessly transferring our money: from the most fortunate (Kobe Bryant, Angelina Jolie) through the slightly less fortunate (me, probably you) all the way down to crack babies.

You want to help someone who doesn’t have “enough” money? Offer them a job. If you can’t, the next best thing you can do is nothing. Seriously. That’ll help avail them of the inevitable truth – that giving people money out of guilt not only doesn’t do any good, it makes things worse. It lets whatever marketable talents those people have wither and weaken – and whatever contributions to society they could have made to society, will go unmade.

I’d always thought “if he can do it, anyone can” was a fluffy piece of motivational-poster nonsense. It took the most disadvantaged man I’d ever met to make a believer out of me.

*This was a completely legitimate aspiration to have back then. Thank God I didn’t achieve it in any meaningful sense.

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**This post is an editor’s pick at the Carnival of Money Stories**

**They love us at the Carnival of Money Stories**