Carnival of Wealth, Happy Monday Edition

Six Brits walk out of a tanning salon...

Happy Monday, and welcome to another Carnival of Wealth. A roundup of personal finance blog posts from around the world. If you want to submit yours, do it here. Read the requirements. They’re not “guidelines”, they’re requirements. For the rest of you, enjoy.

Before we start, everyone’s asking why we disabled comments. We did it because 96% of the comments said nothing of consequence. It’s an experiment. We’ll try it for a while, see if it affects readership. But it won’t. If you want to say something, tweet us. (Or is it tweet “to” us? Is “tweet” a transitive verb?) Okay, now let’s get started:

The accomplished PKamp3 at DQYDJ.net (Don’t Quit Your Day Job) examines the difference between public and private sector wages. The dollar difference is small, the benefits difference larger. You can probably imagine which side holds the advantage.

A new entrant this week is Squeezer at PF Success, who recommends ways to save on gas. We included this because it isn’t the same old hackneyed garbage (shop around, combine errands, inflate your tires until they’re about to burst.) Squeezer also debunks the myth about Giant Retailer A’s gas differing in any way from Giant Retailer B’s.

Echo of Boomer & Echo offers data to prove that there’s no correlation between how big a fee a mutual fund manager takes, and what kind of result you can expect.

Amanda at My Dollar Plan compares refundable tax credits with non-refundable ones, in her trademark brief fashion.

Imagine if every time your doctor checked your blood pressure, she said “Now, the very act of putting the cuff around your arm is going to negatively impact your numbers by a few points.” And that’s how credit scoring works. Jim Wang at Bargaineering compares soft credit checks to hard ones; the latter include things like applying for a card or shopping for a mortgage. The solution? Live at home until your parents die! See, that was easy.

If everyone was as articulate about his subject of choice as Mich at Beating the Index is, well, we’d be a much smarter planet. Did you know natural gas prices are taking a pounding? Mich thinks they’re only going to get lower, and has the data to reinforce his belief. Also, beautiful charts. USA Today-worthy.

Kevin M of Out Of Your Rut guest posts at Christian PF this week, and asks if refinancing your mortgage is always a good idea. It’s amazing how many people don’t bother to look at closing costs or length of term remaining until they’ve already committed to a tantalizingly low new rate. Do the math before, not after (assuming you’re doing it at all.)

Credit card issuers, understandably, are going to be interested in your income before they give you a card. Liana at CardHub points out that that puts stay-at-home mothers in a difficult position. Unless they’ve somehow figured out how to monetize doing laundry and watching Oprah. (UPDATE: Apparently The Oprah Winfrey Show went off the air 10 months ago. How about that.) Get a secured card, or latch onto your money-earning spouse’s.

Someone knock on J.P.’s door and tell him the rookie hazing is about to commence. Another CoW newcomer, Novel Investor decries how American investment strategies have gotten unduly conservative since 2008. As J.P. puts it, “Nobody has gotten rich earning <1% on their money. Yet 8 times more money has been put into savings accounts than into stock and bond funds, since the market crash.” So why are people actively taking steps to avoid getting rich? 4-letter word, starts with “f”.

From our “Preach it, brother” files: John Kiernan at Wallet Blog puts the kibosh on that notion that getting a college degree necessarily helps you earn more money. The oft-cited statistics (“You’ll earn x% more than someone with only a high school diploma”) conveniently lump all college graduates into an amorphous group. Yes, someone with a chemical engineering degree will make more money than a high school graduate who works in golf equipment sales or drives a truck. But we’ll take either of those last two over someone who earns an English literature degree and pours lattes for a living.

Paul Vachon at The Frugal Toad discussed the Home Affordable Modification Program, yet another government construct created to distort the market and prolong the inevitable pain that comes with rewarding people for getting in over their heads “keep hardworking Americans in their homes.” One more time: every last one of these programs costs money. The money comes from somewhere. That somewhere is the pockets of taxpayers who were prudent and diligent enough to have earned the money in the first place. It’s then given to people who weren’t defrauded and weren’t stolen from. They simply bought too much house, and now want someone else to fix the problem. Because personal responsibility, to say nothing of playing the cards you’re dealt, is for suckers.

Teacher Man at My University Money and his long-time girlfriend don’t want to have kids. Of course he can’t come flat out and say that, because he’s afraid people will call him a monster. So he has to vacillate and say, “Well, maybe not now” and offer secondary reasons for not doing so. (It’s good for the environment, etc. It’d thus be best for the environment if humanity collectively decided to die out.) Or maybe that’s just the Canadian in him, not wanting to ruffle feathers. Anyhow, he offers the convincing economic reasons for leaving the task of reproduction up to other people. Bonus: helpful comments from people who tell him that a) having kids is a personal decision and b) it’s OK not to. And you wonder why we disabled comments on Control Your Cash.

Phil Taylor at PT Money lists a bunch of ways to save money when eating out. He left out our surefire method, which is “date somebody small.” Tiny dining partner = more leftovers and partially eaten entrées.

Phil didn’t know he was going to be part of a point/counterpoint dialogue when he submitted his article, but here we are. Matt at Rambling Fever believes that when you dine out you should dispense with caution and spend as much money as possible, or so it seems.

If you’re one of these frugal diners and tip only 15% of your measly bill, you’re no better than somebody who doesn’t leave a tip at all!

That’s obviously false, but Matt uses hyperbole to argue that spending money in restaurants (or more specifically, not being stingy when you do take the plunge and eat out) helps the economy circulate.

We’re assuming you want our take, which you’re now going to get anyway.

Bad service deserves a bad tip. Also, bad customers deserve bad service. Case in point, the group of 4 idiots we recently saw at a local sports bar who received their check after a couple of hours of drinking, then requested that the waitress go back and give them separate checks. This table couldn’t figure out, or be bothered to figure out, who owed what. Which tied the waitress up for several minutes, while a low-maintenance table of 2 (Hi!) sat there waiting so they could pay, get out, and free up their table for the next customers.

Simple rules for dining out, which we just created:

1. If you’re using a coupon, fine, whatever. But you can’t possibly be so cheap as to think that this excuses you from leaving a tip on what the full price of the meal would have been.

2. Appetizers, and particularly alcohol, have gigantic markups. (Yeah, no kidding.) That doesn’t mean that you should obsess over the restaurant’s cost of goods sold, but rather how the prices affect you. If you’d rather numb a few brain cells with a $6 beer than spend a couple of bucks on a soda with free refills, knock yourself out. If you’d rather do the opposite, the restaurant isn’t at fault for offering cheaper alternatives to alcohol.

3. If you’re just going to order a couple of entrées (“mains”, for our Commonwealth friends), because that’s all you want, don’t apologize for it. The restaurant’s welcome to set minima for how much you have to order. Besides, it’ll probably get you out of the restaurant faster anyway. If you’re a waitress, is it better to get a $6 tip for a half hour of work or a $10 tip for one hour of work?

That being said, be an adult. Don’t be the squeaky wheel who retards the process with irritating questions like “Do you use peanut oil?”, “Are these free-range chickens?”, “Can I get mine cooked in margarine instead of butter?” and “Can I get half chicken and half beef?”

When the hostess seats you, pause your conversation and read the menu. It’s not that hard to pick up where you left off. Figure out what you want as soon as possible so the waitress doesn’t have to make multiple visits and ask “Do you need more time?” And if you know you’re not going to order anything else once your entrée comes, that’s a great opportunity to ask the waitress for the check.

Seriously? 

Yes, of course. Why prolong the inevitable? You can still take your time eating, but asking for the check (and having your payment ready to go when it comes) actually gives the waitress something to do when she comes around and asks if there’s anything else she can get you. She can process the check, take your money, and by the time you finish eating you don’t have to wait around for her. You can leave at your leisure, and the next party can be seated all the more quickly.

There. Now you know how to behave at restaurants. Glad we could help. See you next week.

CYC Gets #Tagged

Our friends at DQDYJ.net (Don’t Quit Your Day Job) called us out in one of those infernal games of cybertag. They posed some zany questions and challenged us to answer them. The way this works, as is our understanding, is that after we do that we’re supposed to derive 11 questions of our own and continue the chain. This gives us a completely new medium in which to explain the CYC rationale for doing things, so let’s get started. But first:

Our reading comprehension being what it is, we started by mistakenly answering the questions that DQYDJ had answered, rather than the ones they posed to us at the end of their post. Our answers follow: first to the questions we weren’t supposed to answer, then to the ones we were. We finish with 11 new questions, posed to the next link in the chain.

Have you ever been ripped off and for how much?

Yes, by a crooked, sawed-off little photographer named Casey Wiesel of 4413 Carrier Dove, North Las Vegas, NV 89084-2661, (702) 953-9540. He refused to pay $1200 he owed for a job, got sued, lost in district court, and was ordered to pay a judgment. He still hasn’t paid, in violation of the judge’s order. Also, his new baby is funny-looking.

Do you have pets? Are they awesome?

(Question tabled for fear of starting a disagreement.)

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Great, a Monty Python joke. When do we start quoting The Simpsons and Office Space, too? Also, the question is retarded. Either “speed” or “velocity” is redundant.

Why are most children’s musicians terrible?

It’s not just children’s musicians. Most musicians, regardless of audience, are terrible. If a higher proportion of children’s musicians than “adults’” musicians are terrible, it’s because the former only have to appeal to young mommies, who have the worst taste in music of anyone on the planet.

Put it this way – if Jimmy Buffett didn’t sing the occasional song about pot, he’d be the greatest children’s entertainer of all time. He’s got it all – puerile wordplay, colorful costumes, easy-to-understand vocals. He even dresses like a kid.

What’s the most offensive thing about the $5 bill?

That Congress has never seen fit to emblazon it with the face of our greatest president, Calvin (“The Business of America is Business”) Coolidge.

Prior to Jeremy Lin’s current basketball greatness, he was staying on his brother’s couch because he didn’t have a definitive contract with the New York Knicks. Was the couch long enough to fit an out-stretched Jeremy Lin?

No. Jeremy Lin can probably reach 23″ above his head. That means a couch would have to be 8’4” long to accommodate him. The vast majority of couches are under 7’ long.

What’s the least you’ve purchased with $100?

A ticket to see Van Halen on their 2004 tour. Sammy sounded fine, Alex sounded fine, Mike’s bass didn’t appear to be plugged in, and Eddie gave an alcohol-fueled performance that, like music itself, can’t accurately be summarized in words. His tone was awful, his riffs were incomprehensible, and halfway through the solo he resorted to lying down on the ground and kicking his legs out like an indignant toddler. And not in the fun way that Angus Young does it, just in an inebriated way. The $100 wasted on that ticket took years of goodwill with it. Eddie has apparently sobered up, and the new album isn’t horrible, but you should donate $100 to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting before buying a ticket to see Van Halen on this upcoming tour. (That was sarcasm. If you have $100 to burn, spend $10 of it on our book and the rest here.)

What’s a reasonable amount of money to spend at a strip club?

Coming from a former strip club DJ, who was tipped out by the dancers every night, $12,000 is a good starting point.

How much do you tip the bartender? Really? That’s it?

A dollar a round, but that’s for club soda and Diet Coke.

How much would you pay for the perfect hamburger?

$2.29, apparently.

Is an iPad worth it?

We’d need the 64 GB, 3G one. Which costs $829 at Apple.com.

HOWEVER…there’s a guy with a 647 rating on eBay who’s selling new, in-the-box iPads 2 for $600, which is less than you’d pay for a new 64GB iPhone 4S.

But if you already have the latter, an iPad is thus less valuable to you, even with its larger screen and high-resolution pornography. And if you happen to have a MacBook Pro, for those times when you need to drink the Apple Flavor-Aid on a larger screen, that further diminishes the utility of an iPad for that particular consumer.  Throw in ownership of a Kindle, with its Methuselaic battery life and ability to be read in bright sunlight, and the iPad’s looking like a fancy paperweight right now. Plus you’d be looking at close to $1000 a year in data usage, guessing from what customers on AT&T and Verizon pay. So no, at this point it’s prudent to say that the price must to fall to -$200 or so before an iPad would make financial sense.

 

 

Okay, now the questions we were supposed to answer:

Would you rather be 8 feet tall and 100 pounds or 2 feet tall and 800 pounds?

8′, 100 lbs. Assuming that you’d still be able to move around, and wouldn’t break with your first step. Either way, you’d have a chance to be mobile, which a 2′, 800-lb. person would not.

Pick one: Canada, United States, Mexico.  Explain why it is superior to the other two.

Come on, how about a hard one? Having lived a couple of decades in Canada, only to move to the United States, this humble blogger will give an informed answer.
CanadaUSMexico
Capacity for a private citizen to have discreet deadly force at his disposalnoyesno
English-speaking women in revealing clothing for more than 6 weeks of the yearnoyesno
Little Beach, Mauinoyesno
Some autonomy in medical decisions, at least until 2014noyesno
30-minute flights to the Bahamasnoyesno
Cannibal women walking the streets freelyyesnounknown
No official language with gendered articlesnoyesno
Football as de facto national sportnoyesno
Lacrosse as de jure national sportyesnono
Soccer as national sportnonoyes

 

What is the best type of Personal Finance Writer?  (Think of writer archetypes – Investor, Debt Blogger, Wild-card, Contrarian…)

Aside from uncategorizable us? The debt bloggers blow chimp, we’ll start with that. The investors seem to know what they’re talking about more than most do.

Lump sum investing versus dollar cost averaging…Which is better?

Dollar-cost averaging. We’re all in this for the long term, right?

In the Led Zeppelin song Stairway to Heaven, what does the lyric “to be a rock and not to roll” mean?  Bonus points if you can somehow work Boleskine House into your answer.

Thanks for clarifying that you meant the Led Zeppelin “Stairway to Heaven”, and not someone else’s. Like Far Corporation, for instance. Which is just a cover of the Zeppelin song. Consider that the line follows “And if you listen very hard/The tune will come to you at last/When all are one and one is all”. Which is a reference to the infamous backward masking in that song. “To be a rock and not to roll” means nothing, but it’s the closest you can come to “Satan is my master” when spoken in reverse and still sound like English.

What’s your favorite dinosaur?

Triceratops, because it was the last one standing.

Paper or Plastic?

Plastic, and don’t get us started.

This question is being answered in Maui County, Hawai’i. Last year the county banned plastic bags from grocery stores, because Hawai’i is a state full of idiots. There’s a supermarket across the street, and now they give you those giant 1970’s-style paper bags, the ones without handles. This severely limits how many groceries you can carry at once. With plastic bags, carrying 8 at a time is no big deal. With paper bags, you’re limited to 2, and you have to use your entire upper body, not just your hands.

Did we mention that the supermarket is right across the street? It used to be easy to walk a few hundred yards, buy groceries and walk home. Now it’s a car trip, because otherwise we’d have to carry the bags home in shifts. So for whatever fossil fuels the geniuses in the county government tried to save by banning plastic bags, we’re now burning far more than that by taking a 40-second drive across the street. Also, whoever imposed this ban has clearly never owned a pet. But the paper bags are reusable! It says so right on the front panel. That is, when they don’t rip or soak through, something plastic bags rarely do.

If you had to pick, would you consider yourself a dog-person or a cat-person?

(Question tabled for fear of starting a disagreement. See above.)

What would you do with an extra $100,000?

Buy 2 cash-flowing single-family residences. This isn’t dollar-cost averaging, but the question is a hypothetical. The previous one was not.

What’s the best thing you ever purchased?

A $99 annual gym membership, perpetually renewable. That question just inspired a blog post, so we’ll leave the answer there.

Would you rather lose your phone or the internet for a week?

Phone, easily. Last month’s talk time totaled 7 minutes.

 

We’re supposed to forward this to 11 people, but we’re breaking the chain right here. Or shortening it, at any rate. Control Your Cash is at least in the 3rd series of links in the chain, which means that 1,453 people have received this even without our help. There aren’t enough questionnaire recipients to go around, and the only one whose answers we’re interested in (and who hasn’t already been called out by anyone else) is Paula Pant of Afford-Anything. Por Mlle. Pant:

Your next international trip will be paid for (standard, non-luxury accommodations.) One country only. Where do you go?

Which will happen first: Dow 11,000, or Dow 15,000?

Okay, Dow 10,000 or Dow 16,000?

Oxford comma: yes, or no?

Isn’t it time we stopped minting pennies? 

Can you teach people to change their financial habits, or is it like asking them to change their eye color? 

Have you ever bought 89-octane gas? If so, why? 

Which is the best national park in the system? 

Do women seriously not care about looks? 

Have you ever bought an IPO? If so, why?  

White grits or yellow?