Someone Must Have Tossed That $100 Bill For A Reason

 

Don't! It's a trick!

Don’t! It’s a trick!

It’s a phenomenon we’ll never understand. People turning down free money.

A few years ago CYC bought a modest rental home in a great locale. (The very definition of a smart investment, if we do say so ourselves. No wait, an emergency fund would have been a way better idea.) The price was nothing extraordinary, and the financing terms were agreeable, so we pulled the trigger. The house sits on the Pacific Ocean, there are toucans in the trees and yellowfin grouper in the water, and renting the place out has been easy. We can keep the rental rate low enough that we can garner lots of business while having the renters cover our expenses and then some.

It’s not purely passive income, in that there’s more to owning the place than just watching the checks roll in, but it’s close. We have to advertise the house’s existence, rather than just rely on travelers Googling it and hoping for the best.

A few months ago we were approached by a resale company, for lack of a better descriptor. This company would buy a series of dates from us (for a discount, of course), then resell the room nights. We’d never have to worry about refunding security deposits, or emailing our guests directions from the airport, or explaining the meaning of Spanish street signs ever again.

So…earn a few dollars less in revenue per night, while doing far less work than before? What’s not to love about that? As Paula Pant says, money is for buying time, not stuff. We’d be essentially spending some dollars to free up lots of hours that we can enjoy as we see fit. Greatest idea ever, as far as we’re concerned, and once you get a taste of liberty it’s hard not to want to share it.

The problem, and it’s a good one to have, is that the resale company is extremely good at what it does. It has more business than it knows what to do with. So much so, that it wanted to offer the same deal to other homeowners in our community of 20 or so houses. These are all vacation homes, by the way. None of the owners live on the premises. In fact, none of the owners even live in the country.

So we told them about the opportunity. Yes, there was a finder’s fee in it for us, but that’s not the point. Of the 19 homeowners, only 7 bothered to respond. And of those, 7 out of 7 gave a variation on the same sentiment: “Thanks, but we’d prefer to rent the place out ourselves. We can get more for it that way. Why would we pay what’s essentially a commission to someone else if we didn’t have to?”

We looked. All 7 advertise their houses for rent on the same website, which happens to list the dates that each of those houses is available for rent. The calendar we saw is an ocean of unsold nights. These dummies each have a valuable investment with a huge propensity for comfortable cash flow, and none of them are taking advantage of it.

We tried dialing into their shared universal desire for profit. “Come on. It’s money for nothing.” Still, they weren’t interested. We explained that there was no downside to signing with this company. The contracts are flexible, the company is licensed and bonded, and, oh yeah, the company guarantees the nights it buys. Maybe they sell them to travelers, maybe they don’t, but once we sell to them it’s no longer our concern.

When you appeal to someone’s emotion, you expect them to be wary. But when you appeal to their sense of reason and they still don’t bite, the rational response is to start acting irrationally. Why don’t you want this money? Would you rather get $100 a night for 30 nights next month, or $120 a night for 2 nights? Is this even a question? Why aren’t you answering it? Why do you hate money so much? Why are you forcing us to write in questions instead of statements?

So we gave up. We’ll forgo the finder’s fee and try to make use of the extra hours that have now fallen into our laps. Is there a moral here? None that we could find, unless it was to keep fortune (in both senses of the word) to oneself instead of trying to spread the wealth and watch it grow. Even if you don’t yet own a vacation property, you can still apply this to your own life. Understand that sometimes, people will refuse to capitalize on the most obvious of opportunities. Even if they see you taking advantage of it and basking in its rewards.

Most importantly, resist the temptation to second-guess yourself. We’ll admit, there was a split-second when we thought, “Are we the fools here?” But no, the money was indeed flowing to us and not to anyone else. Once again, thank God for the obtuse and the insufficiently ambitious. It sure makes life easier for the rest of us.

Your Bad Habits Make Me Happy

 

This past weekend, a college friend made the inevitable trek to the home of CYC World Headquarters: Las Vegas, Nevada, The Happiest Place on Earth. Let’s regale you with a little background on both parties, visitor and destination respectively.

Our college friend (whom we’ll call Alan, because that’s his name) got a full-ride scholarship to a prestigious school. Not because he was deformed or Togolese or anything, he was just that smart and accomplished. Today the honorific “Dr.” is part of his occupational name, although he’s not a real doctor, just a clinical psychologist. He has several impressive designations and professional affiliations, and what appears to be a very comfortable couch.

Alan's couch

Alan’s couch

Our world headquarters is located in the 2nd-most-visited city on the planet, and no one has ever gone to Mecca to have a good time. 40 million people fly, drive, or crawl through the desert to Las Vegas every year, most of them with the motivation to live up to the stereotype. Don’t just drink, guzzle. Don’t just spend money questionably, spend it stupidly. Don’t just stay up late, stay up all night and into the morning. Don’t just eat, eat as much as you can for a flat rate.

So what happens when an extroverted Ph.D. with time on his hands meets a city with an endless capacity for separating people from their wealth? We got together shortly before his flight left and got the answer. (Which should give you a hint right there. Alan was “unavailable” for all but the very end of his visit.)

Alan spent $176 on taxis in 3 days, which is more than any rental car would have cost. If you’re saying, “Yes, but you’re not factoring in parking,” get out of your provincial East Coast metropolitan mindset and hear us out. Parking in Las Vegas is almost all free, it being the one city that’s figured out that drivers will be more inclined to stay in the neighborhood and patronize a merchant or two when said drivers aren’t constantly racing back to the meter to avoid getting cited.

Of course, the upside to taking a taxi is that you can have a blood alcohol level of .99% and no cop is going to care. Keep that in mind, it’s what the fiction authors like to call foreshadowing.

Alan and his traveling companion* “Mark” played blackjack and slot machines. Blackjack, as you may know, exists. That means the casinos that offer it must do so so they can…well, let’s phrase it as a multiple-choice question.

  1. lose money
  2. make money.

If you answered b), Congratulations! You understand how gambling works, at least in theory. Now come to Las Vegas so you can effectively answer a) in practice.

Alan lost at the tables and on the machines, as you do. $450, if his rough estimate is to be believed. (Alan admitted to being hung over during our conversation, as if his sweater-and-thick-jeans-in-90º-heat ensemble wasn’t a subtle clue.)

He also lamented that he couldn’t find a cocktail for less than $15, which made us shake our heads and, moments later, smile uncontrollably.

Alan is not what we’d think of as a lush. There were plenty of those in college, easy to identify and smell, and he was not among them. And of course, there’s his profession, which presumes that Alan can function highly. We didn’t delve into it during our short conversation – it’s impossible to without sounding like a psychologist – but we’re guessing he’s a “Vegas drinker”. What happens in, etc. The adult equivalent of the girl who’s not a smoker, but “only smoke(s) when (she) drink(s),” making her a de facto smoker if not a self-identifying one.

We’re not sure what Alan and his companion spent on food, or even if he/they ate, but Alan did choose Powerade over water and coffee at the donut shop where we said our helloes and goodbyes. The money quote was, “Going to need those electrolytes for the plane,” and who but a winded marathoner would talk like that? A man who got too many dealer 19s, too many gins & tonics, too many ultraviolet rays and not enough sleep.

Not counting airfare and the hotel, Alan spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars in less than 72 hours. He took only photographs and left only footprints, if by footprints you mean fat wads of cash. He returned home without incident, and sent an email of thanks for our modest display of hospitality. (A lift from his hotel to the airport, and on this topic Las Vegas is again a city of forward thinkers. The airport is half a mile from the Strip.)

Nevada is one of 6 states that levy no income tax. Alan, God bless you and every one of your 39,999,999 profligate fellow travelers. Come back sometime. Anytime.

 

*A heterosexual friend. You thought otherwise, but why?  

Just Stop. You’re Going To Be Poor Forever.

Can't decide? Then buy all 3! YOLO!

Can’t decide? Then buy all 3! YOLO!

Not you, dear reader, unless you have the same attitude toward debt that today’s protagonist does. A little backstory:

Almost 3 years ago, we ran a post on the anonymous woman who runs a blog called Digging Out From Our Mess. You might want to read that first. If not, no big deal.

At the time, she was $71,930.29 in debt. But on the other hand, she

  • had gone to the trouble of creating a blog on which to display her debt load, presumably to publicly shame herself into taking lasting action;
  • saved a few bucks by going with the free Blogspot address instead of buying her own URL;
  • wanted, really really wanted, to get out of debt. And shouldn’t intentions be enough?

We’re not sure, but she might have been our first exposure to this crawling subspecies known as debt bloggers. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all, and if you haven’t seen one, click our archives for any “Financial Retard of the Month” who isn’t Trent Hamm. The template never changes, only the tiniest details do. Typically female. Had or is planning an ostentatious wedding. Student loans, usually multiple ones. And they were all taken out to finance a degree with no earning potential, hence the debt. There are often lots of toys, too. If not multiple cars, then consumer electronics and/or exotic vacations. (If you’re in debt, visiting the neighboring town ought to count as an exotic vacation.) She’d also taken out something called a “retirement loan,” a term then unfamiliar to us, and hopefully to you. It’s an advance on a 401(k), withdrawn with a staggering 10% penalty.

So let’s catch up, see what progress the Digging Out From Our Mess woman has made in the ensuing 34 months.

For one thing, she now has a name: “Mysti”, a pseudonym presumably created to imply that her identity will remain under wraps. She’s married to G-Man, and isn’t that precious? Together they live with Bossy Boy and Sassy Girl, and in 2013 America, with its Calebs and its Nevaehs, we can only hope that “Mysti”‘s kids’ names are pseudonyms too.

Okay, what about her debt load? Someone who goes to this much trouble to share details must be disciplined enough to have paid a huge chunk of her debt down, right?

There it is in bright red font on her main page. She’s lowered her $71,930.29 deficiency all the way to $73,445.13. Or as any of her commenters would say,

Awesome job, Mysti! I KNEW you could do it!!!!

Her debt is now only 102% of what it used to be. By our calculations, assuming that her debt moves linearly (it doesn’t, but it’s not as if that’s going to matter to her), it’s going to take her… -135 years to pay off that debt. That’s a minus sign, not an em dash.

Since her debt reached that local nadir of $71,930.29 so many moons ago, “Mysti” has managed to

  • Install new carpet on her stairs and bedrooms
  • Makeover the paint, floor and fixtures in her main bathroom
  • Buy a new Jeep.

You think we’re joking, but click this link if you don’t believe us. It’s “Mysti”’s “wish list”, and…what the hell, we’ll just reprint it:

Here are things we would like to do in the future, assuming that Retirement loans are being funded appropriately, and debt is gone!!!

Kids

College fund

Home Improvements

Minor Renovation:

Carpet the stairs and bedrooms (Bossy’s room completed June 2012)

Makeover main bathroom (paint, floor, fixtures)  Completed 2011

Refinish hardwood floors

Resurface deck

Major Renovation:

Makeover of the main bathroom (new shower with glass tile, upgraded fixtures)

Kitchen (gut the whole thing and start over!)

Windows

Regrade yard and sod

Furnishings:

New living room furniture

New kitchen set

New dining room set and matching hutch

Upgrade living room TV 

Vehicles

New Car for Mysti    “New to Us” Jeep Liberty purchased November 2011

New Car for G-man

New Boat for G-man

Travel

Take the kids to Disneyworld

Take the honeymoon we never had and renew our wedding vows

Bling

Reset engagement ring

Anniversary band

New wedding band for G-man

Wait, we forgot the paragraph that begins that page, which really belongs at the end like some deft plot twist that’s way too strange for fiction:

Call it materialistic.  Call it selfish.  Call it whatever you like, but we all have things in life we would like to have or would like to do. We all know that being debt free will afford us the opportunity to do amazing things.  And saving up for items will be a cinch.

“Do amazing things” should refer to something like swimming the English Channel, or even just creating a profitable business while paying employees. For “Mysti”, it means being an even bigger and more gluttonous consumer than before. In case you’re feeling stupidly generous, she even provided links to the engagement ring and dining room set that she has her eyes on, links which we mercifully deleted.

It’s not often that you come across a document whose every single word is a lie, but Digging Out From Our Mess is special in several ways. “[S]aving up for items will be a cinch”? Not for you it won’t, Toots. You will be poor until you die. Not because the cosmos is working against you, but because you (and the G-Man) are working against yourself. “New boat”? Why not go all the way and ask for a new tennis estate at Isleworth while you’re at it? It doesn’t hurt to dream, right?

Is this a modern phenomenon, these adults who fantasize like impatient children and have zero feet planted in reality? We swear that people in their late 30s and early 40s weren’t this immature when we were kids.

Call it materialistic.  Call it selfish.

She did get that part right.

Do we even need to mention that she has that panacea of all poor and indebted people, an “emergency fund”? With $1000 or so in it. It never occured to “Mysti” that being 72 grand in debt, let alone having that debt grow to over 73 grand, might constitute an emergency. She also has, or had, a car repair fund. You’re not going to believe this, but “Mysti” now has a $1091 repair bill that she never anticipated.

Instead of getting excited about placing your meager savings into various funds and giving them descriptive names, thus enabling you to add more columns to the Excel spreadsheets that you share with your idiot readers, how about not buying flotsam? Yes, carpeting and new bathroom fixtures absolutely count as such if you’re tens of thousands of dollars in debt and can’t afford them. And jewelry is always pretty stupid.

But who cares? Delayed gratification is for suckers! YOLO!

We’re not writing this post to shame some (literally) poor woman who’s been beaten down by life. We’re writing it to show you that for most people, inertia is the most powerful force in the world. Please don’t think of “Mysti” as an exemplar of everyday modern society, average woman just trying to get by. She isn’t. She’s a willful stooge in a game of I’m-Going-To-Stick-My-Head-In-The-Sand-Until-I’m-Dead. Her intentions are every bit as perverted as her blog’s laughable title. White is black. Up is down. Left is right. And Exacerbating Our Mess is now Digging Out From Our Mess.

Just…just stop. If you’re reading this and you happen to be in (consumer) debt, the worst thing you can do is give yourself a long window to get out of debt while buying cars and home furnishings. It pains us to admit this, but this is where Trent Hamm makes a modicum of sense. Be as miserly as Iowa’s #1 frugality potentate until you get out of debt. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but the good news is it won’t last long if you have anything approaching discipline. Then you can start building wealth. Or you can be like “Mysti”, and see how far she’s gotten fallen behind in the last 3 years. You might not want to wait until you’ve eaten your vegetables before you get dessert, but that’s how money works. All the exclamation points and good intentions in the world won’t change that. Buy our book and join us on the positive side of the ledger. It’s less crowded here.

(Apologies to the now-forgotten reader who brought this to our attention.)