The world’s most important job, 2011

Movie director.

Teacher is near the bottom. At the bottom, for the 6000th year in a row? Mother.

And he plays a mean air accordion, too

Meet the wage-earning world’s most crucial person, James Cameron. What he does means vastly more than what any 5th-grade home room warden ever has done or ever will do. According to Variety, Cameron made $257 million last year. That dwarfs the highest salary earned by anyone on Wall Street (Hugh “Skip” McGee III*, who drew $25 million for presiding over Lehman’s destruction), the highest salary earned by an athlete (Tiger Woods, $91 million), and the highest salary earned by an athlete who doesn’t have to fork over half of it under the biggest divorce settlement in the history of the universe (Phil Mickelson, $66 million. Mickelson demonstrates the rule, as always – encase your baby’s right hand in plaster until he learns how to punch, twirl a drumstick, field a grounder, strum a guitar, throw a football, shoot a free throw, sign a death warrant, masturbate and use scissors with the left.)

Cameron produced Avatar, which your blogger would rather visit the dentist than sit through, but that’s not the point. Tens of millions of others not only have the opposite opinion, but are willing to put money behind it. Cameron has the ability to turn a substantial profit given even gigantic expenses (Avatar apparently cost $230 million to make, creating a hole that perhaps no one else had the acumen to dig out of.) Is that more important than teaching a child to spell and calculate square roots, assuming the teacher knows how to do both herself?
Yes.

It doesn’t matter that movies are mindless entertainment while literacy and numeracy are vital skills. If your profession entails doing what tens of millions of others can do – keeping juveniles occupied for 6 hours a day while their parents appreciate the break from the misery that is child-rearing – you’re never going to get rich. You’re 99.9% certain never to get rich on salary regardless of what you do for a living, but that’s neither here nor there.

If you’re a teacher, you’re welcome to complain about the injustice of the salary structure. You can even whine to your union, and buy pencils and school supplies with your own money if you like. It’s not quite the equivalent of nailing Yourself to a crucifix and dying a painful death for mankind’s sins, but it’s close.

Hopefully we don’t need to state the irrelevant, but here it is anyway: as a person, James Cameron sounds like a nightmare. His next wife will be #6. He’s not satisfied being an atheist, but has to let everyone who’s listening know that he’s evolved to the point where what’s unknowable to him is thus unknowable to the universe. He’s one of the self-righteously indignant who expressed ceremonial displeasure with the presidency of George W. Bush, which in Cameron’s case entailed rescinding his application for United States citizenship. Why he didn’t apply for naturalization under the Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush Sr., Clinton or Obama administrations, you’d have to ask Cameron. Despite living in Canada for his first 17 years and spending the subsequent 39 in the United States, Cameron believes that any nominal national fealty he should feel should be toward a nation that he rejected – rather than the only one in which he could earn $257 million a year.

Good luck reaching him to bring this to his attention, given that he’s too busy working. And employing dozens, many of them at extremely comfortable salaries of their own. Those dozens, by the way, need to spend that money somewhere. And do. There are far more blue-collar people engaged in the occupation of building yachts than there are white-collar yacht owners. Cameron’s latest film grossed close to $3 billion worldwide. Few investments that large offer that great a return, and few investments that offer that great a return are that large. Cameron’s talents enable 20th Century Fox to turn a profit, expand its operations and hire more people. Shareholders of the studio’s parent company, News Corporation, watch their portfolios increase in value. News Corp’s rising stock price strengthens the values of the 401(k)s and IRAs that it’s a constituent of, meaning greater wealth for the myriad non-rich people who therefore each own a modest part of the company.

This isn’t just a curious story. It applies to the real world. Your world. How? If purely psychological rewards are what motivate you professionally, then fine. But if you think your life would be easier and enable you to enjoy more freedom if you had more money, it’s your obligation to do what you can to create lasting value.

*We didn’t make that up. That’s a real name, all of it. The ridiculous “Hugh”, the comically on-the-nose “”Skip””, and the Roman numeral qualifier, which is helpful for letting the country club staff distinguish Trey from Skip Sr., Skip Jr., and Skip IV.

**This article is featured in the Carnival of Wealth #31**

The Best Hotel Values in America, Volume II

How do they do it? They buy fewer vowels, and pass the savings on to you!

Welcome to Part 2 ofour look at America’s biggest business-traveler hotel chains.  We looked at room prices and amenities for 5 different chains, and chains of chains. See our previous post for which features we deem important, and which we can live without. The chains we looked at were Hampton Inn (a division of Hilton), La Quinta, Marriott and its sub-brands, Holiday Inn, and Choice Hotels and its sub-brands.

Marriott includes:

  • SpringHill Suites
  • Courtyard
  • Marriott (just “Marriott”, no qualifier except “Hotels and Resorts”)
  • everything from Ritz-Carlton to something called EDITION Hotels. Just in case you thought the medial capital letter in “SpringHill” was douchey, they’ve given you an entire word surrendered to the typographic insanity of contemporary branding.

Choice Hotels include:

  • Comfort Inn
  • Comfort Suites
  • Quality Inn
  • Sleep Inn
  • a bunch of others such as Clarion, Rodeway Inn, and EconoLodge that don’t really fit the definition of a business-traveler hotel. (The first too Park Place, the second and third too Baltic Avenue.)

Of course room prices, even intra-chain ones, fluctuate daily. We’re not going to examine a year’s worth of prices among all chains for a post that’s going to sit at the top of our page for 3 days at most, so we selected hotels closest to the airport in 5 disparate cities (Minneapolis; Macon, Georgia; Seattle; Lubbock, Texas; St. George, Utah.) Within reason, mind you: if you had to travel an extra mile from the airport to save $30 at another hotel in the chain, we went with the cheaper hotel. This was for a 1-night stay on April 1, 2011 – a day near no major holiday, nor any big local events that we know of. Get ready for some self-explanatory charts!

Price ($)MINMACSEALUBSTGAvg
Hampton Inn999584.1592.6595.2093.20
La Quinta696982759477.80
Marriott59C99M104C130C159C110.20
Holiday Inn84.1580899611392.43
Choice63.15F51Q57Q76.50Q87M66.9

M=generic Marriott, C=Courtyard
F=Comfort Inn, Q=Quality Inn

Smoke?MINMACSEALUBSTG
Hampton InnNOYESYESNOYES
La QuintaYESYESYESYESNO
MarriottNONOYESYESYES
Holiday InnYESNOYESYESYES
ChoiceYESYESYESNONO
Internet?MINMACSEALUBSTG
Hampton Innwirelesswiredwiredwiredwireless
La Quintawirelesswiredwirelesswiredwireless
Marriottwiredwireless ($10)wiredwirelesswireless
Holiday Innwiredwirelesswirelesswirelesswireless
Choicewirelesswiredwirelesswirelesswireless
Breakfast/
microwave & fridge?
MINMACSEALUBSTG
Hampton InnYES/NOYES/NOYES/NOYES/NOYES/YES
La QuintaYES/NOYES/YESYES/NOYES/NOYES/YES
MarriottNO/NONO/NONO/NONO/NONO/NO
Holiday InnNO/NOYES/YESNO/YESYES/YESYES/YES
ChoiceYES/NOYES/YESYES/YESYES/YESNO/YES
Laundry?MINMACSEALUBSTG
Hampton Innvaletselfvaletvaletvalet
La Quintaselfselfselfnoneself
Marriottselfselfnonenoneself
Holiday Innselfselfselfselfself
Choicevaletselfselfselfself

Observations:

Amazingly, at least to us, most hotels in 2011 allow smoking. The good news is that in the hotels that do, fewer than 10% of the rooms are devoted to accommodating the practice of that vile, repulsive, loathsome, nauseating habit. May we one day as a nation progress to the point where prejudice and bigotry are forever things of the past, except when practiced against that class of Cro-Magnons who pollute the air far more tangibly than any coal refinery does. But given that almost all rooms forbid smoking, no wonder it’s usually easy to get a non-smoking room.

The Holiday Inn in St. George welcomes pets for $25, a good deal considering that most hotels we surveyed would just as soon have Fluffy and Mittens sleep in your car.  The Marriott in Lubbock charges $100, which is almost the same thing.

The Twin Cities airport Holiday Inn doesn’t comp you on breakfast, but does offer a $20 voucher. Not per person, per room. At least one CYC author could eat $10 worth of hotel breakfast food in his sleep. And while the folks at the Holiday Inn in St. George apparently love animals, they also close the laundry room between 11 pm and 7 am, a cruel joke to play on anyone who’s been hiking Zion Canyon all day in the middle of summer.

Walmart sells microwaves for $55 and mini-fridges (with freezer) for $75.  These chains could buy thousands of each for what, 80% of Walmart retail? Amortize those prices over the useful life of each appliance, and it wouldn’t add more than a few pennies a day to the cost of a room. Yet most hotels in our sample still don’t let you do some rudimentary cooking.

The march to full wireless internet access continues. Curiously, it appears that wireless internet is being adopted faster than the relatively ancient technologies of refrigeration and microwaving. If wirelessness is important to you (e.g. if you’re traveling as a pair and can only plug one computer into an Ethernet cable at a time), it doesn’t hurt to request a room close to the router upon check-in. Or ask the clerk not to put you in a room in which people traditionally complain about the reception.

To us, valet laundry “service” is the opposite of a convenience. Which would you prefer to return to when you’ve been in meetings all day – expensively laundered clothes that are hopefully all accounted for, or being able to pay $1.50 to clean your clothes at your leisure? In those hotels that don’t simply have a coin-operated laundry room, getting your clothes cleaned can be more trouble than it’s worth. The author once spent two weeks in China cleaning his clothes in hotel bathtubs. We’re supposed to be beyond that in the Western Hemisphere.

Marriott doesn’t exactly offer value. They do restrict smoking as much as anyone does, but as we’re finding out, that doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference. Marriott’s maddening series of sub-brands can make it confusing to find a hotel sometimes, plus as you can see, their prices vary the most of any chain we measured. They’re also the one chain that’s embraced the European tactic of adding a separate charge for going online. If you’re in Macon, look for a Wi-Fi hotspot in the McDonald’s parking lot next door.

Our conclusion?

If this were a scientific experiment, our hypothesis would have been that Hampton Inn is the best in its class. The desk clerks are almost always polite and helpful, and the breakfast alone usually saves us far more than (what we originally assumed was) any tiny difference in price between chains. But if we had to pick a winner, we’d go with Choice Hotels – not only do they win on price in 4 out of 5 cities (losing by 50¢ in the 5th), but they have less smoking, more kitchen appliances, more complimentary food and more convenient internet access than anyone else.

**This post is featured in the Festival of Frugality #270-Spring is Coming (One of These Days) Edition**

and

Yakezie Carnival: March 6th Edition

Nothing says “I love you” like the actual words

Come on in! We're having a special on 2002 Valentine's Day gifts!

So say it. By talking, not by impoverishing yourself.

It’s tough to determine whether Mothers Day or Valentine’s Day is the biggest crock of garbage on the retail liturgical calendar. After a few seconds of weighing this, we’ll go with Mothers Day. At least Valentine’s Day has been celebrated for centuries*.

This isn’t an anti-capitalistic jeremiad. Spend all the money you want, but at least spend it on something of value. Look, we’re not sociologists. Nor are we in that camp of reactionaries who think that consumerism and its sidekick, advertising, are the work of the devil. But come on. If you’ve seen the messages and feel even a hint of obligation toward spending money on something with minimal inherent value, we can come over there and slap you if that’s what it takes. There are plenty of Western customs you can honor (shaking hands, exhibiting good table manners, failing to torture cats) without throwing money away.

Just look at the slogans:

Helzberg Diamonds: “I am loved.”

Ergo, any woman who isn’t in a relationship with a Helzberg customer is being taken for granted and/or treated like garbage.

It’s the same as that “2 months’ salary” rule of thumb that jewelers came up with sometime in the mid-20th century and somehow got a grossly gullible public to swallow. Think about that for a second – an industry suggests that you should spend 1/6 of your annual income on its product, and people take it to heart.

Imagine if an industry that produces something far more useful – like groceries, or better yet, health insurance – tried to get away with that reasoning.

Seriously. Mental exercise time. What if an HMO used a similar tactic?

Hi. We’re your friends at CIGNA. Do you have enough protection against unforeseen accidents and illnesses? You never know when disaster might strike you or your loved ones, and possibly turn into tragedy. That’s why we recommend that you spend at least 10% of your pre-tax income on coverage. It’s a small price to pay to minimize the childhood leukemia deaths in your family.

The only question is which senator would chair the 2011 hearings on Unconscionable Advertising Messages Foisted By A Mercenary Industry On The Public. Our money’s on Chuck Schumer.

If you want to listen to a jeweler’s message, Zales’ slogan from the 1940s is particularly forthright, especially if you contemporize it for inflation – “A penny down and a dollar a week.”

The practice of buying jewelry, especially at this time of year, is the loudest and most imbecilic real-world rebuttal of Control Your Cash Mantra #1 – bolded, italicized and underlined here for your pleasure: Buy assets, sell liabilities.

Finance something if there’s a legitimate economic reason for it – the example we give repeatedly is homebuying. If you want a house, better to finance it than to pay rent for years and years when you could have been enjoying a home on credit. Even if your circumstances lead you to disagree with that sentiment – you live in an area with a chronically poor housing market, or your data indicates that it’ll become one before you plan to move out of any house you might buy – you have to agree that at least a house has utility. Financing a car is harder to justify than financing a house, but again, utility: we still haven’t developed a more efficient way to get from point A to point B at your leisure (assuming points A and B are on land) than by driving.

Where’s the utility in a non-industrial diamond? You’re not going to use it as a drill bit. No, it’s a totem of some emotion that you can only truly convey with actions, not expensive objects.

We’d include a chart showing how much what you spent on that tennis bracelet could grow to over the next x years, but you’ve seen similar charts before and the inevitable conclusion is so obvious that it doesn’t require mathematical reinforcement.

If you don’t care about your future together, act like you mean it: by dropping money on – or better yet, financing – a shiny trinket.

And ladies, if you need a bauble to validate your relationship, or your man, you’re one step above your colleagues whose husbands smoke cigars. (Why not just wear a button that says, “With all the tasty parts of me available to put in his mouth, he instead chooses the foulest-smelling thing this side of the public toilets in Calcutta. No, no hypermasculine phallic symbolism to see here”?)

Look, moments don’t sparkle. And if they do, it’s only a figure of speech. A Vermont Teddy Bear might not be imaginative, but it’s fun to hold. More importantly, the recipient isn’t going to wear it in public – making it a private token of a relationship that you shouldn’t be sharing with the rest of us anyway. And, the one we researched on their website costs only $80.

*If you care about this kind of arcana, the idea that the Hallmark Corporation created Mothers Day is an urban legend. Mothers Day is the brainchild of Anna Jarvis, a 19th century woman who wanted to honor her own mother. Jarvis mère spent the Civil War attending to wounded soldiers, both Blue and Gray. Jarvis fille, as women often do, kept pestering the authorities to make the holiday official. She died poor and childless.

**This post is featured in the Carnival of Wealth #27**