Carnival of Wealth, Thanksgiving Edition

Why yes, this is a bacon-wrapped turducken.

 

Another installment in the only blog carnival worth a damn*, the Carnival of Wealth. Here’s how it works. Every week, the top echelon of personal finance bloggers (and some from the subgroup that makes the top echelon possible) submit their gems for review. If we like their posts, or find them sufficiently entertaining or noteworthy, we post them here every Monday. If you want to get in on the fun, submit here. Or just sit and watch, that’s cool too. In fact, we prefer it. Now, on with the show:

The incorrigible Free Money Finance borrows an excerpt from Tony Steuer’s The Questions and Answers on Life Insurance Workbook: A Step-by-Step Guide to Simple Answers for Your Complex Questions. Which, honestly, is a way more engaging read than you’d think. We’re not going to tell you not to buy life insurance (at least not in this post), but we will tell you not to buy life insurance until you understand the major differences among policies. Tony via FMF explains them clearly.

Ever wonder why a company, perhaps yours, announces layoffs well in advance? Darwin’s Money did, and his discoveries got our attention. Our favorite justification? “Give crappy raises, and you’ll be happy.” Hopefully you wage slaves are getting this all down.

Remember in 2009, when the Tea Party protestors used public areas and police cars as toilets, sold drugs, died of overdoses, endangered children, stretched civic resources, played unlistenable music, bitched about the inevitable aftermaths of the poor decisions they’d made, committed wanton vandalism, and just generally sat around being unproductive for months at a time?

Of course you don’t, because it never happened. There was barely a discarded gum wrapper at any Tea Party protest, as distinguished from the current gaggle of Occupy (City) protests throughout the United States and Canada. Aloysa at My Broken Coin wishes the current doylt of Occupy protesters would just go home, and you can probably figure out whether we agree with her or not.

Actionable and full of worthwhile advice; that’s what we’re talking about. Your Finances Simplified explains how to buy a foreclosed-upon house. You can’t just show up with a wad of cash and try to make things happen. Instead, read this killer post and learn how to profit off other people’s failure. Someone will. Why not you?

If you ever start or join an investment club, and someone mentions that the treasurer position is still open, just cut them a check and run like hell. Madison at My Dollar Plan didn’t get stuck with that job, but the person who did had to submit the club’s cost-basis reporting to its broker. Cost-basis reporting is another red tape hurdle that ordinary citizens have to clear in the modern U.S. economy, but no, that has nothing to do with stagnation. Nothing at all.

Wallet Blog advocates what we’ve been preaching for some time, and which a close look at the retards of the Occupy Wall Street movement will reinforce: an unspecified college degree is vastly overvalued. Too many degrees chasing too few openings makes a non-applicable college education less than worthwhile.

Boomer and Echo think you should hold onto your stocks. Unless you have a good reason to sell, in which case you should sell.

Kevin McGee at Thousandaire is supposed to be the most entertaining and/or funniest personal finance blog out there, so we’re curious as to what he had to say. This week he advocates buying precious metals for more than face value. Not just to hedge and to diversify, but in the event of nuclear war. In which case you can eat your silver. We’re glad that Thousandaire knew to use brackets inside parentheses, but puzzled as to his shorthand use of “$2.5k” for “$2500”. You save one whole character his way, but if you type out the digits instead you do have a double o in there, which means you’re barely expending any effort at all to type the numeral out in full. And yes, it took us well over 100 characters to point that out.

Another McGee? JT at Money Mamba joins the carnival this week, and we like what he has to say. First off, in his bio he espouses the use of hard and resolute numbers over the moral ambivalence of words. Also, he’s frank enough to admit that a restricted-calorie frozen meal tastes a lot better when topped off with a turkey sandwich. JT appears to live at home, given his liberal references to his mother and the fact that he looks about 15 years old. Anyhow, this week he explains why time is often a greater consideration than money. If you need to buy an asset now, good for you. If you can’t wait to get your hands on a liability, you’re going to end up going poor. Follow the kid, he’s going places. And returning home before curfew.

Daniel at Sweating the Big Stuff clearly put tons of work into this week’s post, in which he asks his friends for one-line responses concerning what they like and dislike about money. One woman’s objection was that “it limits you”, whatever that means. Adam, on the other hand, “hates the taste”, which at least makes sense.

Hank at Money Q&A lists the 10 best personal finance books “that everyone should read”, which presumably means it’s a historical list, not just a current one. We’re assuming they’re not in order, otherwise Dave Ramsey wouldn’t be ahead of Benjamin Graham. Also, Hank forgot this one, but it’s all good.

Finally, Phil at PT Money rails against gifts that add to “the endless junk that we Americans have.” Which seems to imply that Swedes and Portuguese don’t amass stuff that they don’t need, but whatever.

Same time next Monday. Thanks for coming. Oh, and to our Canadian readers, happy upcoming Thursday.

*Excluding all the carnivals we submit to. Those are uniformly wonderful.

Carnival of Wealth, Chief Executive Edition

It’s another edition of the Carnival of Wealth, a weekly roundup of personal finance blog posts both insightful and less-than-so. We go live every Monday. If you want to submit a post (please don’t, but if you insist), go here first.

A year from now, we’ll have a new president. Or an old one. Thus some presidential esoterica, spread throughout this week’s carnival.

Last president who was neither a Democrat nor a Republican:

Millard Fillmore

 

“You guys are mean. Why can’t you say anything positive?” We can say plenty of positive things about Paula Pant at Afford-Anything. Craft your submissions half as well as she does, and you’ll have a guaranteed spot in every CoW until the end of time. This week Ms. Pant discusses the neurological reasons for people refusing to follow their dreams (and demonstrates why most of us could never be Navy SEALs.)

Last president who didn’t have a daughter:

Dwight Eisenhower (Note: Mitt Romney doesn’t have a daughter.)

 

Jacob at My Broken Coin buys premium bike and running accessories. Now if we can only get him to self-edit.

This week’s hidden wisdom comes from Corey at 20s Finances:

An average movie ticket ranges from $12-$15 per person. For just two people, this means that you are spending $24-$30 just on the tickets.

Wait a second.

12 times 2 is…well, all my fingers twice, plus 4. That’s, uh, 24.
15 times 2 is…all my fingers 3 times. Which is 30. Hey, he’s right!

Anyhow, Corey got four tickets for $9 on Living Social. Another ending ruined.

Maybe if Rep. Barney Frank’s parents had let him play with toy soldiers instead of dolls as a kid, he wouldn’t have had to validate himself by running for office and we wouldn’t be in the mess he helped create as chairman of the House Financial Services Committee. Marjorie Rochon at Card Hub illustrates how the Dodd-Frank Act gives merchants the legal authority to insist on minimum amounts for credit card purchases.

Last 3rd-party candidate to win an electoral vote:

George Wallace. He didn’t just win one electoral vote, he carried Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. In 1968. He’s also the last candidate to stand in a school doorway and block black kids from getting in, unless you count that time Barack Obama bent down to pick up a quarter when Sasha was walking behind him.

 

If it’s Monday, and it’s insightful, it could well be the work of Len Penzo. America’s favorite eponymous personal finance blogger is back with a piece on the psychology of prices incorporating the digit 9. It’s part pseudoscience, part human nature, and 100% fascinating.

Last president who was never a vice president, senator, governor, or general (i.e., was only a congressman):

James Garfield, assassination victim

 

F and YES. We rarely go with bold all-caps or pseudo-cursing on this site, so you know this is a big deal. Darwin’s Money did the research we were too lazy to do, breaking down unemployment rates by college major. He went bold himself, italicizing for good measure:

The majors that are HARD, have a focus on MATH and PROBLEM SOLVING will continue to be the ones in high demand.

The world doesn’t owe you a living, especially in the liberal arts.

Wait, it gets better. Shawanda Greene at You Have More Than You Think might be our favorite non-us financial blogger. (Don’t be jealous, Financial Uproar.) Never mind her humor, or her patriotism, or her ability to spell: it’s her outspokenness that gets us excited. She identifies the one biggest stumbling block to getting the United States back to competitiveness. You might not want to hear it.

Jeff Rose makes a guest appearance at Christian PF. The esteemed financial planner looks at, and derides, people who have expressed their frustrations with the stock market by…quitting investing altogether. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. In summation, keep contributing to your 401(k), don’t withdraw from it, and don’t check your account daily. Amen.

Dough Roller thinks you need perspective, and he’s right. People moaned and complained about Bank of America’s recent attempt to charge $5 a month for you to use its debit card, this on the heels of a national uproar over Netflix forcing its customers to – gasp – log onto two accounts to get their precious discounted entertainment delivered to their doors. Leaving aside DR’s claim of how taxpayers got a 10% return on their forced “investment” in BofA stock over a 14-month period, we salute his idea that you need to think independently instead of joining a herd who switch their bank accounts to credit unions en masse. (Just ignore his line about “meet your financial needs.” Jesus.)

2nd-last president who was only a congressman:

Abe Lincoln, assassination victim

 

Dividend growth stocks have been big news lately, among an investing population that’s finally realizing that you can’t build a portfolio out of nothing but stocks whose prices you hope will rise. Boomer and Echo recommend that you do a little work and commit to something for, as always, the long term.

Did we mention that dividend growth stocks are a big deal these days? Dan at High Yield Edge makes his Carnival of Wealth debut this week (unless we forgot about a previous submission of his), with a comprehensive listing of the highest yielding stocks in the Dow. 22 of the 30 have higher yields than do 10-year Treasurys.

Free Money Finance has been outsourcing his blog as of late, and that includes a book excerpt from noted curmudgeon Ben Stein. You need to save, i.e. invest. A salary is no protection against life’s inevitable curveballs, particularly against the elimination of said salary.

No one ever said that Odysseas Papadimitriou wasn’t outspoken. (See what we did there? A double negative, which had more impact than if we’d written “Lots of people have said that Odysseas Papadimitriou is outspoken.”) The Wallet Blog wag believes it’s time to treat Switzerland less as a banking haven and more as a place that indirectly invites criminals to launder money.

Only other president who was never a vice president, senator, governor, nor general, although he was a cabinet secretary:

Jimmy Madison. In other words, if you’ve served only as a U.S. representative before getting elected, you have a 100% chance of someone murdering you. We hope Michele Bachmann carries a concealed weapon.

 

We hope you found this educational and slightly less offensive than usual. Enjoy the games, everyone.

Bienvenue a la Carnival of Wealth

French Canadians are every bit as freaking weird as the Japanese, except closer to home and they look more like us.

 

Thanks for indulging our pidgin French. That horrifying sight is the mascot of the Quebec Winter Carnival, familiar to all Canadians and dubbed “Mr. Snowman” by erstwhile CNN sports anchor Fred Hickman.

(SEGUE)
And HEY! Speaking of Carnivals, here’s this week’s Carnival of Wealth. Let’s get her started. And God, the pickings were slim this week:

This week’s linguistic beef: using “needs” as a noun. E.g., “See us for all your foreign and domestic automotive purchasing needs.” Oh, you pompous douchebag. How about “see us when you want to buy a freaking car”?  Too good to use vernacular English like the rest of us? Why bother, when you can sound stilted instead?

Sarah at Nerd Wallet did it again. Those folks submit first every week, maybe because they’re diligent, maybe because the schedule just works out for them that way. Anyhow, their infomercial masquerading as a blog post for this week’s carnival centers on the American Express Blue for Business card. Which is a horrible name and, as it turns out, not the best deal among no-free business credit cards.

Kim of Managing Your Financial Risk thinks you should have a financial plan.

(Submission rejected because the author can’t spell. It was about car insurance.)

(Submission rejected because the author spelled worse than the previous submitter. Guys, we’re not running a preschool here.)

Finally, somebody good. Mike Piper at the Oblivious Investor discusses bond duration. When choosing a bond fund, you need to look not only at the underlying bonds’ credit quality, but also at the weighted-average length of time before you receive the cash flows involved.

Here’s a depressing tale from Corey at 20s Finances about how living in a duplex can make you cold. Long story short, his inconsiderate neighbor (and even less considerate gas utility) screwed him over.

His name is Dividend Growth Investor, not Dividend Shrinkage Investor. That’s why he looks at companies that not only pay dividends, but that have the wherewithal to do so well into the future. If they don’t, it’s time to switch out for some that do.

Paula Pant at Afford-Anything can write. She can’t understand why people refuse to diversify their income streams, and neither can we.

Mike Holman at Money Smarts Blog points out that an annuity can work just as well as a defined benefit pension plan. So why aren’t annuities more popular? Because old people think they’ll die the minute they buy one, among other things. Seniors, relax. Electricity doesn’t leak out of light bulbs. No one’s going to steal your credit card number on Amazon. The teenagers next door are, however, going to break into the garage the moment you go to the store for more prune juice.

Okay, this late rally is saving what would otherwise have been one of the worst CoWs ever.

A Len Penzo sighting? Say it isn’t so! The most agreeable man in all of personal finance blogging makes a cameo with his list of 9 guilt-free ways to rip off your credit card company. He’s using hyperbole (at least we think he is), but the lesson is valid: credit card companies are going to make money off someone. It doesn’t have to be you. Let the other customers be the ones to take the hit. You can ride on their backs, and enjoy benefits you wouldn’t get if you only paid cash.

From our philosophical scion Nelson at Financial Uproar comes a piece that needed to be written a long time ago. Almost every personal finance blogger in existence tells you that you need to slash expenses before you do anything else. Almost none of them touch the opposite side of the ledger, the one where revenue lives. Sure, defense wins championships, but not if you never score.

Here’s one of ours: a CYC self-referential promotion, on the exact same topic.

What a whore. FMF at Free Money Finance ran into one of those pedantic customer “service” idiots for whom serving a customer will never be as important as following a rule, and the rules must be followed. The culprit in his case was a Best Buy clerk, who took (or attempted to take) FMF’s driver’s license number for no reason whatsoever. Her rationale? “It’s a federal law.” Which, after he pressed her, she admitted was just a store policy.

Folks, we’ll use this as a segue into a call for you to stand your ground. Don’t let these idiots at the 2nd lowest rung of the economy get you down. Like the brain-dead clerk I saw at the San Antonio Amtrak station who refused to sell a woman a ticket because her driver’s license had expired 3 days earlier.

Hey jackball: when your employer tells you you need to ask for “current and valid ID”, they’re doing that so you can positively identify the person in front of you, not so you can prove that you’re smart enough to figure out whether today’s date falls before or after the date on the license. If the woman was showing you a license that had expired 20 years ago, with a picture of a middle-aged woman on it instead of an old one, that’d be one thing. But knowing that she hasn’t legally been able to drive for 3 freaking days does not make her a potential terrorist. Also, stop flattering yourself: al-Qaeda doesn’t give a damn about your workplace, nor are they hiring gray-haired Tejana ladies to carry out their business. She should have hoofed him in the testicles.

Same goes for you, ranger at Bryce Canyon National Park, only substituting “ovaries” for “testicles”. Yes, I understand that I have to show valid ID with my park pass. We all know the market for sneaking one’s way into national parks must be a highly lucrative one. However, a concealed weapons permit is a valid form of ID. The signature on it matches the one on the park pass, therefore by showing you both I’m proving that I’m merely trying to get what I paid for. At the time, I couldn’t have been bothered to move my finger an extra eighth of an inch and procure my driver’s license instead, which she should have been fine with. But no, here’s how it went down:

Annoying Slut: Don’t you have a driver’s license?
Me: (looking her straight in the eye, lying through my teeth) No.
Annoying Slut: Then why are you driving?
Me: Well, I guess I shouldn’t be. So why don’t you call the police, tell them you have an unlicensed driver trying to get into the park, and I’ll wait here. With all these other cars behind me.
(long pause)
Annoying Slut: (grumbling) Proceed.

I’ll show you whatever damn valid ID I like. I’m sorry you chose to sit in a little box and collect money for a living, but that’s not my problem.

Alright, blood pressure has returned to normal. J.R. Weber at Smart Balance Transfers is a proponent of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. Even if you’re a day late with your monthly credit card payment, if you can somehow get with the customer retention department your issuer might bribe you to stick around.

A new contributor this week, Wesley Evans at Metal Energy Blog. He’s given us his inaugural post, full of data and details about how to deal in leveraged commodity exchange-traded funds: i.e., ones that deal in silver, natural gas etc. Take some time and inhale this one.

Convinced that you can beat the odds and have a happy marriage? Bless your naive little soul. If you’re stubborn enough to insist that you can make it work, Jill at My Dollar Plan reminds you what to do with your finances after making it legal. The big one? Named beneficiaries on financial accounts supersede any written wills. She’s not kidding. Now good luck tolerating each other over the next few decades.

As always, thanks to our submitters and more importantly, thanks to our readers. Now go out there and buy some assets.