Our Appearance On The Suze Orman Show!

Suze Orman

(Note: We deliberately waited a couple of weeks for this, hoping the hullabaloo would have subsided. It hasn’t. Also, even though we still have a few more posts scheduled for January, you can consider this our Financial Retard of the Month. No one else is going to top it.)

Here’s the transcript of our recent television appearance on The Suze Orman Show, hosted by America’s favorite financial professional. It has yet to air.

 

It’s The Suze Orman Show! Today, Suze’s guest is Greg McFarlane of Control Your Cash!

SUZE: I understand you and Betty Kincaid have written a book, and a series of e-books, and you say your website is different than other personal finance websites. How is it different?

GREG: It’s different because we call other people out on their horseshit. Can I say “horseshit” on TV?

SUZE: No, this is basic cable.

GREG: Well, it’s your guys’ FCC license. Not my problem.

Look, you created this ridiculous prepaid card a couple of weeks ago which would have been a horrible idea if Russell Brand was behind it. Instead, it’s you – the woman whom Oprah’s minions trust to teach them about personal finance because watching daytime TV is easier than thinking.

I have nothing against separating suckers from their money – if they’re willing to part with it, why should that be anyone else’s problem – but you do realize you’re destroying your credibility with this card, right?

SUZE: Hold. It. Right. There. Mister. The Approved Card is a revolution in personal finance. People can use it to improve—

GREG: No, I’m going to cut you off. It’s someone else’s turn to be the angry lesbian. You were going to say “…their credit scores”, which is laughable. How can a debit card improve, or worsen, someone’s credit score?

Just because this card gives people a free look at one of their three credit scores – a perk with a retail value of 0 – doesn’t mean it can improve anybody’s score.

SUZE: Nuh-uh –

GREG: Still talking. I give you credit for telling your audience that this card is going to cost them $3 a month. $36 a year for using their own money. But then you follow that up with the list of tremendous benefits they get for that $36. They’re the first things listed on your website.

One, free use of certain ATMs. You call that a cardholder benefit? That’s like telling people the card comes with its very own shiny magnetic stripe. And they don’t even get the free ATM use until they sign up for direct deposit. Not that they shouldn’t anyway, but again, how is this a benefit?

SUZE: It’s –

GREG: Rhetorical question. Sucks when a person just keeps on talking while you’re trying to interrupt, doesn’t it?

SUZE: Ye–

GREG: I’m not close to done. You list 5 more benefits, one of which is that “your deposits are individually insured up to $250,000.”

Of course they are! It’s a freaking bank! Anyone who keeps his money in a federally regulated institution, as opposed to a pickle jar in the back yard, gets this “perk”. My God, how do you live with yourself? Another rhetorical question, by the way. Free online bill pay, which almost every payee offers anyway. A free “emergency fund account”, whatever that is. How much money does your partner, Bancorp Bank, put in the account? I’ll let you answer.

SUZE: Zero, but –

GREG: And how much interest do these accounts earn?

SUZE: That’d be zero, too.

GREG: Thank you. And, cardholders get “free activity alerts and balance updates.” Again, that’s like telling them that if they walk into a branch, they’ll get free deposit slips. And the ink to fill them out with is on the house. I know Bancorp Bank doesn’t have branches, but hopefully you see the point I’m making.

SUZE: Now, you don’t have any credentials, so who are you to discuss personal finance with people?

GREG: No credentials? (chortle) You should see where we live. (snicker) And live. (guffaw) And live. Besides, aren’t you the one with the degree in social work?

You even charge people for replacement cards. I’ve been with multiple banks in my life, and no one’s ever done that. Nor do they charge me for the original card. You guys do. How is that better?

SUZE: It’s better because The Approved Card is better than cash. If your cash gets stolen –

GREG: You mean if someone tries to steal cash out of my wallet, on my person?

SUZE: Maybe.

GREG: Then I’ll shoot them. But I never carry more than a few bucks anyway, because I already have a debit card. From my bank. Not Bancorp Bank. And it’s free. There’s no monthly fee, there’s no fee for using in-network ATMs, my money’s guaranteed up to $250,000 – basically all the benefits your card promises, and none of the costs. Would you be interested in this Bank of Nevada VISA card that’s in my hand? You can apply right online. You’re rich, I can’t imagine that they’d turn you down.

SUZE: Exactly. My card is for people who aren’t rich yet.

GREG: Sister, your card is for people who will never be rich, largely because they’re swallowing advice undigested from an imbecile. Your card is only for people whose credit is already so horrible, no bank or credit union will let them open an account.

Again, I respect that you’re trying to get rich off people dumber than you. And if it were Carlos Mencia or Blake Griffin putting his name on this card, that’d be one thing.

SUZE: I didn’t just put my name on this card. I created it.

GREG: Yeah, you keep saying that, as if proud of this. But you telling people to spend money to spend their own money would be like Jillian Michaels telling people they can carve chessboard abs for themselves by eating Jillian Michaels®-brand strawberry cheesecake.

You’re a crock, a charlatan, a mountebank, a fraud, and those epithets are far more complimentary than what you had to say to anyone who disagreed with you during your recent Twitter meltdown. So I’m going to end this interview prematurely, with a ruffle and a flourish, and leave you to filibuster for the rest of the segment. I’m sure you’ve got plenty to tell your viewers about. Goodbye.

SUZE: Look, before you leave…where do you get your pantsuits?

GREG: This isn’t a pantsuit. These are just pants.

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We Learn Nothing

We’re going to need more chairs

 

Not that many years ago, real estate was regarded as a safe investment. Now it’s the butt of jokes. What happened?

Fannie Mae (formerly the Federal National Mortgage Association) is one of the government-sponsored enterprises entrusted with making it easier for people to afford homes. Its sibling, Freddie Mac ( Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation), is another. A cousin, Ginnie Mae (Government National Mortgage Association) does pretty much the same thing, the big difference being that Ginnie Mae doesn’t pretend to be a private company.

One-paragraph summary:

You borrow money from ABC Bank to buy a house. Now you have a house, and ABC has your promise that you’ll pay them, say, $250,000 (with interest) over the next 30 years.

(On second thought, there’s no way in hell we can do this in one paragraph.)

That promise, from ABC’s perspective, is an asset. Of course it is, it’s money coming in. An annuity, if you will. ABC can then sell that asset to a secondary lender (ABC is the primary lender, duh) such as Fannie Mae.

ABC now has cash from Fannie Mae, cash that ABC can loan out. Loaning out money is the very purpose for a bank’s existence, thus ABC is happy with this situation. If ABC loans that money out to someone else for a mortgage, then if all goes according to plan, now you and that other person will own houses, instead of just you.

Fannie Mae was founded by the federal government in the 1930s, under the principle that having as many people as possible owning houses (and, by extension, owing banks money) was a goal worth pursuing. The logic went that with more liquidity – i.e., more money to be loaned out – not only would more people be able to afford homes, but mortgage interest rates should lower, too. A self-perpetuating cycle of easy loans for everyone!

I don’t understand what Fannie Mae is getting out of this. Wouldn’t they have to pay a premium to ABC for the transaction to be worth ABC’s while?

Yes. Fannie Mae pays the bank a ¼% servicing fee for the life of the loan.

Oh, I see. So Fannie Mae loses money on every loan. Sounds like a great way to do business.

Fannie Mae gets to borrow from the U.S. Treasury at extremely favorable rates. Currently ¾%. So with the average 30-year mortgage going for about 3.96%, Fannie Mae comes out way ahead.

So it’s the U.S. Treasury that’s losing money on every loan.

Yes! Isn’t “capitalism” great?

Now, Fannie Mae doesn’t just hold onto that money. It assembles your $250,000, your neighbor’s $281,384.34, and several other mortgagors’ loans into a multimillion-dollar mortgage-backed security. Then it sells that mortgage-backed security to an underwriter. The underwriter pays a higher interest rate to Fannie Mae than the ¾% at which Fannie Mae borrows from the U.S. Treasury, so Fannie Mae is happy. The underwriter is happy, because it has cash on hand (again, to loan out) and is paying a fairly favorable interest rate. But that rate is artificially low, because it’s based on the artificially low rate that Fannie Mae borrows from the U.S. Treasury at.

Isn’t this creating money out of thin air?

It’s creating “liquidity” out of thin air, which is almost the same thing.

With the creation of Fannie Mae and its relatives, the federal government effectively lowered the requirements for a prospective homeowner to get a mortgage. To the point where people who weren’t yet ready to own houses were owning houses. Some of whom were never going to be able to pay their mortgages back, and who got foreclosed upon.

Well, couldn’t lenders just charge those people sufficiently high interest rates that it’d be worth the increased risk to lend to them?

Of course not, this is America.

In the ‘90s, the government ordered Fannie Mae to keep a minimum percentage of its loans in mortgages for “low- and moderate-income” borrowers. By 2007, fully 55% of Fannie Mae’s loan originations were with such borrowers. The government then prohibited Fannie Mae – which is to say, the primary lenders who sold loans to Fannie Mae – from charging “predatory” rates.

So lenders were left with two choices: continue doing business with Fannie Mae, and risk losing money on bad clients; or don’t do business with Fannie Mae, and set their own high rates for borrowers with poor credit histories who didn’t deserve to borrow money at prime rates (the infamous “subprime market”.)

If lenders went with option B, they could create their own mortgage-backed securities, with higher interest rates and higher volatility. Those privately fostered mortgage-backed securities then hit the market, at which point people stopped buying Fannie Mae’s mortgage-backed securities (at their comparatively low interest rates.)

So Fannie Mae started offering higher, more competitive interest rates. The free market at work, right?

Sure, except Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac only pretend to be private corporations with stockholders and everything. The federal government goes to great lengths to explain that Fannie and Freddie are not branches of itself. Functionaries can quote you the 1968 act that led to Fannie Mae being named an “independent” company. In reality, the government wanted to remove Fannie Mae’s obscene levels of debt off the national balance sheet (cf. Abraham Lincoln, a tail ≠ a leg). Investors and customers alike continue to treat Fannie Mae as a branch of the government, with an implicit government guarantee if not an explicit one. Put it this way: if your elected representatives committed billions of dollars of your tax money to AIG, General Motors and Chrysler, they’ll do it for Fannie and Freddie. Again.

Which would you rather invest in, assuming each had the same credit rating: private or Fannie Mae mortgage-backed securities?

The latter offered returns similar to the former, only with that implicit guarantee. Therefore people bought more of them. To create more mortgage-backed securities, Fannie Mae made more and more low-interest, sketchily underwritten loans. A private bank like Lehman Brothers can die a quick death and leave the remaining banks healthier. But there’s no concept of culling the herd when it comes to Fannie Mae.

(There is nothing government can’t ruin. Vote Ron Paul.)

Meanwhile, because of the low mortgage rates Fannie Mae was responsible for spawning in the first place, millions more people bought houses than otherwise would have. Too many people chasing too few houses means prices rose. A “bubble”, if you will. Then borrowers started defaulting, and lenders realized that they didn’t have enough collateral to cover debts.

When there’s downward pressure on primary mortgage loans, and upward pressure on secondary mortgage loans, something has to give. Add to that the underqualified people who couldn’t make their mortgage payments, and thus got foreclosed on, and the result was even more houses sitting empty. By 2008:

  • Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac either owned or guaranteed half the residential mortgages in the country.
  • As “independent businesses”, “free of governmental control”, and publicly traded, their stocks began to drop. In the case of Fannie Mae, 99.66%:

 

It’s almost impossible to lose a higher percentage than that, yet Freddie Mac managed:

 

 

  • As investments, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were effectively worthless.
  • The Secretary of the Treasury, operating under the orders of his boss, lied through his teeth and told the public that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were financially sound. No one who’d examined the issue could possibly believe this, but the public at large might have.
  • Someone owned Fannie Mae’s and Freddie Mac’s mortgage-backed securities. Actually, lots of people. Foreign governments, retirees’ pension funds, etc. The argument went that if Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were officially deemed worthless, disaster would occur. As if requiring half a trillion dollars from American taxpayers didn’t qualify as a disaster.

So the federal government did exactly that, putting you on the hook for every horrible decision made by entities that created no value in the first place, and distorted the market by their very existence. It would have been less damaging to have simply cut a five-digit check to each family that wanted a house and didn’t have the money for it.

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren’t subject to the same capital and diversification requirements that private banks are. Nor do Fannie and Freddie ever have to worry about having their loan portfolios reviewed by regulators, nor rely on those same regulators to give them a safety and soundness rating.  

Today, Fannie and Freddie continue to have a hand in most residential mortgages. They still lose staggering amounts of money – $14 billion and $22 billion last year, respectively. And as we’ve seen, their stocks now trade on the over-the-counter bulletin board, the Canadian Football League of securities trading.

Fannie Mae’s chairman made $6 million (of your money) last year, Freddie Mac’s $4 million. Yet none of those Occupy Wall Street vermin protested outside their respective headquarters. Merry Freaking Christmas.

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What coverage should you get when renting a car? (II of II)

You missed Wednesday’s Part I on car rental coverage? Go back and read it again, it’s really good. And you won’t understand today’s post if you don’t.

The irony? She was using Allstate’s iPhone app at the time.

 

Fine, we can’t force you to read it. It’s about the different kinds of insurance add-ons car rental companies charge, and why they’re largely a waste of money. We saved the best one for the end, one that can end up costing you more than the rental itself.

PPP – Personal Protection Plan

Again, here “plan” is a euphemism for the taboo word “insurance”, a service only licensed insurers can sell. Oh Christ, what a rip this one is. This is for any medical expenses, up to and including death benefits, that you or your passengers might incur while renting the car.

Your existing health insurance doesn’t have a subsection that reads “this policy null and void if insured rents a car.” Thus, you’re covered. If you don’t have health insurance, you might indeed have good reasons for forgoing it. But then why would you buy only a few days’ worth of coverage, only to resume your uncovered status when you drop the keys in the overnight box?

In addition, your own auto policy gives you the option of including medical payments coverage. Lots of people don’t bother paying for it, but you should. Not for yourself, but it’ll cover your passengers and anyone you might hit. Which is getting us off the topic of rental insurance…

PEC – Personal Effects Coverage

This is a bigger rip than PPP. For $5 or thereabouts, PEC covers anything that might get stolen in the car. Again, you probably have this in your existing policy (it’ll be part of a subset called “property damage coverage” or something similar.) If you don’t have it, get it on your main policy, not your rental policy. Even if you do buy PEC, it covers only you and family members you live with. Go on a business trip with a partner, and the partner’s personal effects wouldn’t be covered anyway.

ESP – Emergency Sickness Protection

This is PPP, but for cholera rather than for greenstick fractures. And again (we’re starting to wish English had a synonym for “again”), you should already be covered with your existing health insurance policy if you have one.

If you want an extra layer of protection on top of that offered by Progressive and Blue Cross, any respectable credit card issuer will have you covered. Even the zealots who hate credit cards on principle will acknowledge that you have to have one if you plan on renting a vehicle: so shouldn’t you use a card that protects you?

American Express includes free Car Rental Loss & Damage Insurance with every card it issues. It includes most of the subsets of insurance listed above. When you add it to your main policy, it’ll cover most every possibility you could encounter. For instance, however much your main policy covers for damage, theft, or loss, American Express will cover an additional $50,000 just for the asking. In fact, you don’t even have to ask. Even Discover, the poor man’s American Express, supplements your coverage to the tune of $25,000.

(NOTE: This is not an endorsement of American Express’s Premium Car Rental Protection, a joke of a service that costs you money. It’s $25 per rental, and it acts as your primary coverage for the length of the rental. You already have primary coverage from your insurer.)

Finally, fill the freaking tank before you drop it off. You can’t not know this, can you?

EVEN THE EMPLOYEES know this is a rip

 

Okay, we’ll walk you through it. The rental agency typically gives you three choices for bringing the car back with a full (or however full you found it) tank:

  1. Fill it yourself.
  2. Let them fill it for you, at some ridiculously exorbitant price.
  3. Buy a full tank now, at the agency’s own ***DISCOUNTED!!!*** price. That way you won’t have to look at the gauge and can return it with as little gas as you like.

Obviously, the agency makes option b) so unpalatable that you won’t consider it. However, the agency understands that the same part of your brain that rejects the idea of paying $5.40 for a gallon of gas will gladly pay National’s $3.50 instead of the $3.63 at the pump down the street. If you fall for this, we’ve got a word for you: Catostomidae.

You’ve got to be all shades of dumb to believe that a car rental agency pays less than retail for gas and then gladly passes the savings on to you. The agency knows that if you buy their $3.50 gas, they’re profiting off you if you bring their car back with anything beyond fumes in the fuel tank.

If you’re certain that you’ll return the car with no gas in the tank, let Avis fill it for you when you return. To do that you’re going to have to know how many miles your rental gets per tank, then fill it when you know you’re that many miles away from returning it. Sure, that sounds easy to do. Just fill the freaking tank yourself.

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