The world’s most dangerous Carnival (of Wealth)

Some carnies assembled this in an hour, and will take it down and leave town Friday. Wanna ride?

Late spring, and the living is easy. Why do people assume June is summer, when it mostly isn’t? Same deal with December and winter, not that that’s on anyone’s mind right now. Unless you’re in Australia, New Zealand, Uruguay, Rand McNally or one of those other countries that the aliens will never bother visiting when they eventually land.

But we digress. It’s time for another Carnival of Wealth, featuring, once again, real personal finance posts from real personal finance authors. Go!

Batting leadoff this week is the esteemed Mike Piper at The Oblivious Investor, who explains why having an investment portfolio that’s unnecessarily diversified can be more trouble than it’s worth (and offer worse returns.)

Romeo at Building Success: Post College tells us about how he became an entrepreneur. 1200 words later we discover that he sells some product. Maybe a service. Not sure which, or what.

Everyone’s got a story about the fish that got away. Big Cajun Man’s fish was Cisco stock, circa 1990. Ouch. Read about what might have been at Canajun Finances.

(Cisco peaked at 15¢ that year. And hit $77.31 a decade later. Today it trades at around $16, which is still enough to…sorry. That sound you heard was Big Cajun Man kicking himself. Again.)

Neal Frankle at Wealth Pilgrim features a guest post this week about ways you can throw off the shackles of having a boss and start your own business for as little as $5000. Or even $5000 less than that.

If your elected representatives were serious about getting the economy humming, they’d drop an ICBM on the tax code and start again with a flat deduction for everyone, and a flat percentage on the remainder. But if you think the federal code is capricious, Stupid Cents has even more depressing (yet funny) details about some state laws. We won’t spoil it for you, but we’ll just say that the commercial Jack-O-Lantern lobby in New Jersey is a powerful one.

What’s the dumbest financial decision you’ve ever made? We bet it’s not as retarded as Groupon rejecting $6 billion from Google. (Don’t worry, Groupon. Your business model is impossible to replicate.) And hey, would you look at this? Joe at Retire By 40 shows us that a few months after Groupon’s refusal to accept obscene amounts of money, someone decided to create a competitor. You’ll never guess who.

How to torture animals? How to have disgusting personal hygiene? How to resolve disputes violently? How to scream and yell for whatever it is you want, even though you don’t plan to do anything to earn it? This week Larry at Krant Cents asks, “What Can You Learn From Kids?”

Stop. The relentless Erin Pavlina continues to submit posts that have nothing to do with personal finance, or even the year 2011. Our resident off-topic psychic (seriously, that’s how she makes her livin’s) set a new record this week, giving us a post she wrote 534 days ago. That’s less time than it takes an African elephant to gestate, but more time than the American hostages were kept during the Iranian Revolution. Mercifully, ErinPavlina.com didn’t exist back then, which means terrorists couldn’t use recitation of its posts as a torture device.

/wants to make a “North American elephant” joke
/doesn’t
/it’d be so easy, too

In a normal week, Erin Pavlina would win our Unintentional Comedy award. But this week, we give it to a new entrant. It takes a special lack of self-awareness to call your blog “The Financial Literates” and write so illiterately. Look, we understand that you folks are well-meaning, probably intelligent, and that English is (at least) your 2nd language after Hindi. But there’s got to be some United States-based virtual assistant who can edit your posts and turn them into something approximating the Empress’s English.

Honorable mention goes to “Vera Lang” (yeah, like that’s her real name) at CRM Help Desk Software, with a timely post about Super Bowl ads. In CRM Help Desk’s defense, “Vera” wrote the post back in February. And apparently has an extremely slow internet connection. Or maybe she just thought it’d be nice to give us something tangentially related to football while the NFL looks headed for a long labor war.

Come on. Something relevant? Please?

Jim at Bargaineering to the rescue. This week he lists 6 Hobbies That Can Make You Money, or at least cause you to spend less of it, which is essentially the same thing. Jim reveals this week that he brews his own beer, and that the ingredients end up costing him about 40-50¢ a bottle.

A newcomer this week, Maxim Kazawy at the expositorily named Best Dividend Paying Mutual Funds lists “10 best mutual funds that pay dividends”, even though the post lists only 5 and the accompanying chart 4. Proofreading has joined bunting and home brewing on the list of America’s lost arts.

FMF at Free Money Finance is the most prolific personal finance blogger we know. The guy never stops writing, and most of his information is gold. This week, he gives the details of a credit card that gives you a generous 3.1% cash back on every purchase. Of course there’s a catch, but it’s not an insurmountable one.

If you’re an Army Ranger, active duty or retired, you get a pass. Joe Manausa thinks the housing market will bounce back. What he doesn’t think is that it’ll happen overnight.

Darwin of Darwin’s Money bought a pool. And a headache. He tells us 7 Things Your Pool Contractor Won’t Tell You, or 7 things he wished his pool contractor had told him. At least the contractor didn’t try to sign Darwin up for a service contract or “pool insurance”. (Darwin, here’s a way to recoup some of your expenditures: charge your kids’ friends to use the pool.)

Still paying 17¢ more per can of coffee than your neighbors do? Do you and the family not spend enough time around the kitchen table? And when did your scissors last get some use? Crystal at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff has the solution: coupon clipping! Intermediate and graduate-level coupon clippers notwithstanding, these are Top Tips for Beginning Coupon Clippers. Remember, hold the scissors with the points facing down. And walk, don’t run.

If you’re looking for a job, Lahesha Williams at Career Help for Christians suggests that you network, and do so by networking. She recommends talking to family members and friends about whom they might know. And rather than kick them in the teeth once they help you, Lahesha also recommends that you thank them.

Waah, the housing market is depressed! It’s the end of the world! Well, last we checked people still need shelter. And if prices are low, a certain group of people stands to profit. They’re called buyers. You could be one too. My Personal Finance Journey explains how.

Pretty much the same argument, albeit from a slightly different angle but with actionable advice, courtesy of Jennifer Martin at Negotiation Board.

Janet Hutchins of Credit, Eh? wants to know why Sony offers identity theft protection to its American customers, but not Canadian ones. Maybe it’s because you people call napkins “serviettes” and think Nickelback is the greatest band in the history of music.

Or perhaps it’s because you call college dorms “residence at university.” Teacher Man at My University Money debuts this week, with the first part of a rudimentary look at investing in stocks.

Good Lord, another Canadian? You people are insidious. You look like us, dress like us (those of us who wear Roots sweatshirts and crepe-soled shoes, anyway), even almost talk like us. Here’s a thought-provoker from Financial Uproar, who asks what you’d do if a natural disaster destroyed your town’s economy. To his credit, he admits he’d hop the next train. As would we.

Money Cone has a multiple-choice question for you. If an unauthorized money transfer happens from your checking or savings account, what’s your liability?
(A) None. My bank will reimburse me.
(B) If I report it quickly, then I’m not on the hook for anything.
(C) No matter how promptly I report it, I’m liable for up to a certain amount.
If you chose (A), you’re in for a shock.

With the possible exception of Vicky Vette, no one looks happier on his or her website than does Jim Yih at Retire Happy Blog. Our (legitimately) favorite post of the week comes from Jim. This week he examines whether you should make extra contributions to your retirement fund or do something else to maximize cash flow when you get a windfall. (American readers can substitute 401[k] and IRA for Jim’s wacky Canadian acronyms.)

Dr. Dean at Millionaire Nurse Blog is good for a submission every week. We were hoping he was going to offer his recent post, “Women Investors: An Oxymoron?” just to deflect all the hate mail Control Your Cash usually receives after hosting a carnival. Instead he’s given us something almost as provocative, “Gangsta Bank Fees: Don’t Get Robbed!” While we don’t completely agree with his opening argument – it’s not Congress’s job to free people from the burden of reading credit card agreements – his advice is helpful and useful.

Are you proud of yourself, Dave Ramsey? ARE YOU? Your debt snowball has become this generation’s est or Zoroastrianism. Congratulations, you found another devotee in Briana Myricks at 20 & Engaged, who tells us that “There is nothing more stressful than worrying about paying bills.” Apparently Briana has yet to dodge sniper fire on the way to work.

Again, the debt snowball works like this: “Don’t worry about the leukemia that’s ravaging your body. Get that cavity filled first!”

Finally, we wanted Boomer and Echo to scroll down this week’s carnival, second-guess themselves, see the other submissions, then invoke the name of everything holy and lament, “WHY? Why didn’t they take our submission?” Relax, kids. This week’s submission was full of great practical advice and deserves special attention. Here it is in living color (excuse us, “colour”): When to Fire Your Investment Manager.

Thanks again for stopping by, and we’ll see you here July 3. You know, this summer.

Carnival of Wealth. This is your final notice

You have 4 days to work your magic, bloggers. Submit your genius and inspiration here. And would it kill you to learn how to spell? Also, “quotation” marks should be “used” “judiciously”. Same Deal With The Capitalization. (Hint: maybe that’s why we didn’t run your post last month.) And readers, join us back here Sunday for yet another installment of America’s Favorite Blog Carnival, featuring personal finance blog posts from all your favorites.

Carnival of Wealth, May Day version

Leningrad or Berkeley? Unclear

Капиталисты всех стран, соединяйтесь!

And a Happy May Day to all y’all. Today we at Control Your Cash celebrate the real starters of the world’s economic engine: the risk takers; the calculated gamblers; the capitalists. You folks. The people who realize that you can labor all you want, but it won’t make you rich without employing some capital along the way. Let’s get the parade under way:

We’ll start with something intermediate-to-advanced. This post by MikeAhi at After Hours Investing got our attention and with good reason. It’s tangible information about a particular mutual fund and why he’s investing in it. It’s got a little jargon, but go slowly and you can probably figure it out. Mike is conscientious, informative, and most importantly, he actually knows how to write. Check out his archives – his site deserves more attention.

Got to admit, when we got a post from something called Kathryn’s Conversations we figured she’d be just another dippy broad with nothing to say and no opinions to defend. (e.g. “Here are some yummy ways to save money for Easter!!!! So fun!!!!!”)

Boy, were we wrong. If you’re still defending your decision to rent rather than buy a place to live, Kathryn will skewer any financial arguments you might have and leave you hanging on with your useless emotional arguments in one hand (and your shriveled gonads in the other.)

How to get some cash flow for the doddering old person in your life? You could send her out on the street corner with a tin cup – Control Your Cash’s own Betty does that, and it pays some nice tax-free dividends – but Kyle Berks at Integrated Loans has his own method. It’s called a reverse mortgage, and it’s coming soon to a retirement community near you.

Jacob at My Personal Finance Journey features a guest post from some chick about online investing. The post itself is garbage (she thinks running ads on a website counts as a form of investing), but Jacob’s commentary on her post is useful and educational.

Do you know who Erin Pavlina is? Maybe you know who Steve Pavlina is. Her ex-husband, personal development guru, he’s pretty famous in that realm. She, on the other hand, is a…ahem…psychic. And a habitual submitter to personal finance blog carnivals. We linked to her post for pure comedic value last time, and she still didn’t get the hint. So here’s her latest, and we’ll let her set it up:

My twin sister and I started playing basketball when we were 10 years old. My father was elated as basketball was his favorite sport. He taught us all the basic skills and worked with us every weekend at the gym to improve our game, then he signed us up for a local community basketball league…

The ellipsis is hers, by the way.

Neal Frankle is the Mark Steyn of personal finance blogging; insightful and occasionally funny, even when his subject matter is depressing. Visit Wealth Pilgrim and hear what Neal has to say about incipient inflation.

As for Dr. Dean at The Millionaire Nurse Blog, about freaking time! We’ve been pimping Amazon’s almighty Kindle at Control Your Cash since before it was cool. (Did we mention you can buy our book on Kindle? Yes we did, several thousand times.) Dr. Dean is toying with getting one right now. Or maybe he’ll decide that having his entire library at his fingertips wherever he goes is grossly inconvenient.

You can’t ignore Miranda Marquit, you can only hope to contain her. This week she guest posts at Free From Broke with information on how to check the status of your tax refund. Which brings us to the Miranda Marquit Quote of the Month:

it can take as long as two months or more to see your tax rebate

So that means it can take 0 to 60 days (“as long as two months”), or 60 to infinity days (“or more”).

Which means it can take 0 to infinity days, which means it can take any amount of time whatsoever. Why she singled out 2 months as a benchmark is anyone’s guess.

Speaking of people who do unspeakable things to the English language, please welcome Marjorie at Card Hub to this week’s carnival. Her “island approach” to spending with credit cards involves…well, we’re not sure because we started gasping for oxygen somewhere around the 20,000-word mark. “Lack of proper segmentation will limit rewards potential.” Tell it, sister!

calandra at Home Equity Loan Calculator was tragically born without a capital letter. However, she can mix fonts with the best of them. Drop some peyote and try to make sense of this post.

New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman is a douche. That’s what we got out of this post from Anisha via Tim Chen at Nerd Wallet about medical credit cards. Long story short, she explains what medical credit cards are (you can probably figure that out) and then mentions the opportunistic politicians ready to pounce on the cards’ issuers for giving them to idiots who refuse to read cardholder agreements.

This is particularly relevant. Your humble blogger got a GE Care Credit card – the very one mentioned in the post – to pay for LASIK surgery a few years ago. I was all set to pay the $3000 out of pocket, but the doctor’s finance person (also his sister) was pimping the card. 12 months, no interest.

Me: So do I get a discount if I pay you cash now?

Her: No.

Me: Then sign me up.

So I paid $250 a month for 12 months, with the CareCredit card. There was no cheaper way to do it. The card agreement contained some gigantic interest rate that kicked in on the unpaid balance after 12 months. I can’t remember what the rate was, and it doesn’t matter, nor did I care at the time. Why? Because the only thing I cared about was paying the balance by the due date, 12 months out. CareCredit didn’t make a dime off me, and only because I chose not to let them. In other words, I behaved like an adult and didn’t cry to the attorney general to make it all better. I didn’t blame the card issuer, I used them to my advantage. Anyone with half a brain can do this too.

Mr. Money Smarts hits it big this week at Smart on Money, telling you how to avoid capital gains taxes. If you’re already at the point where you’re deriving more income that’s susceptible to capital gains taxes than to income taxes, good for you. This post shows you how to make it even better.

Buy a PlayStation 3 and use a website template. These are the ways that Tarik, the funny man at I Am Wealthy Today, suggests you go about enjoying a richer and more fulfilling life. (We’re dead serious about the first one. Apparently he is, too.)

Spousal abuse is a serious matter. But so is saving money! Back Taxes Help points out that under certain circumstances, an injured wife or husband could be due tax relief. Whether you use that knowledge to pour Crisco on the stairs is totally up to you.

You need a budget. No, really, You Need A Budget. It’s the name of personal finance software that Peter at Bible Money Matters started using once the brain trust in Redmond pulled the plug on Microsoft Money. YNAB has advantages and disadvantages that neither Mint nor Quicken has, which Peter points out in detail. Also, Peter’s a heterosexual male, so we can only assume he was under sedation when he described YNAB as “easy peasy”.

What’s the investor’s secret weapon, everyone? That’s right, Sarin nerve gas.

The investor’s second secret weapon, as anyone who’s read Benjamin Graham knows, is dividends. Thus Dividend Stocks Online, which this week analyzes two tech stalwarts (I love that word) whose stock prices haven’t moved much in years – which means that their dividend yields might be unusually and deliciously high.

Interest rates are still low, at least for home loans. Home prices can’t get much lower, at least not before hay replaces drywall as a construction material. So buy a freaking house, already. Pinyo at Moolanomy thinks you should, too, and reminds you that even with prices working in your favor it’s still possible for a dumb or unprepared person to overextend himself.

Kevin Mercadante via Glen at Parenting Family Money might know the basics of antiseptic blogging work (bold subheads every few lines, posing a question at the end even if it’s a question you just spent the entire blog post answering, spelling plurals with apostrophes), but where he really shines is in telling you what kind of cell phone plan to buy for your kid. And with cell phone plans averaging around $60 monthly, this seems like another reason for getting your vasectomy/tubal ligation done as early as possible.

Jim Yih at Retire Happy Blog is happy. How happy? Look at his smiling visage on his website, where you should read his 6 unconventional estate planning tips, inspired by a speaker Jim listened to.

V.I. Lenin left his estate to the state, presumably. Miserable bastard.

Thanks again for your participation, comrades. Finally, here’s one from us on why only douchebags play the lottery. See you next month.