Carnival of Wealth, Innumeracy Edition

 

Of course she's confused. She's studying trigonometry, HTML, physics, economics and currency exchange simultaneously. Well, that and she's female.

Of course she’s confused. She’s studying trigonometry, HTML, physics, economics and currency exchange simultaneously. Well, that and she’s female.

 

CYC Winter Headquarters is at a condo complex in the North Pacific. 13 buildings, 32 units in each. The complex is clean and well-maintained, but the buildings themselves are ancient. The condo board decided to float some bonds to pay for a multi-year renovation. Which is fine, except this was their excuse for wanting more money after the initial outlay:

we are uncovering some unpredictable issues that were only discovered as work progressed. Surprises include: far more spalling than anticipated that was fully observed after lanai tile was removed; far more concrete (in excess of a million cubic inches more than originally budgeted) needed to repair the extensive spalling;

Okay, those are legitimate issues, as were the electrical conduit replacement and the corroded railings. What bothers us is the pandering to the mathematically inept dues payers.

A million cubic inches of concrete! No wonder they need more money. That’s a lot of…cubic inches.

Why didn’t they say 21 cubic yards, i.e. small enough to easily fit in our second bathroom? Have we as a species gotten so flighty and ignorant of details that we see only the big number and ignore the tiny units? It’s like when our slow friends in the media tell us about a wildfire that’s burned 257,314 acres, instead of 402 square miles. How far is it from Jacksonville to Los Angeles? Why, 12,750,000 feet. Better start packing.

For God’s sake, use the appropriate units.

When I come back from a journey, I haven’t had a vacation; I need a vacation.
-Paul Theroux

The good news is that the lovely Pauline Paquin at Reach Financial Independence has decided to rejoin us in a carnival that’s been mired in mediocrity lately. The bad news is that between 2 blogs, a chicken farm, international travel, tutoring, fighting off Central American corruption and inspiring the rest of us, something had to give. Hopefully not for long. We could write at length about how Pauline’s life is an endless series of prudent decisions that affords her more freedom, enjoyment and opportunity than any debt blogger could dream of, but we do that every time she submits.

Fortunately we still have the somewhat less lovely Jason at Hull Financial Planning, whose genius is that he consistently shows us how the decision that makes reactionary sense isn’t necessarily the best one. For instance, why live in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan (America’s 2nd-priciest city, after Rancho Santa Fe, California) when you can move 25 miles to downtown Detroit and pocket the difference?

Because if you’re sane, you’d be miserable, among other reasons. Jason wouldn’t want to live in Pauline’s conditions, away from many 1st-world conveniences – he says as much – but understands that for her, it’s paradise. Different strokes, indeed. Your humble blogger rented what was probably too fancy of an apartment during his senior year of college, throwing away money that could have been socked away, but the idea of taking on roommates or living anywhere but in the heart of the action sounded too depressing.

Does that mean you should ignore dollars and cents and do whatever you want? Of course not. We’re assuming that you’re not $200,000 in the hole. If you are, suck it up, put on some pajamas and move back in with your parents. No, you’ll still be pathetic, but at least you won’t be digging yourself a deeper hole.

Would someone please get Harry Campbell at Your PF Pro a bigger font for Christmas? This week’s 6-pt pica goodness is a detailed account of how he paid for a visit to Kauai solely by spending the past few months charging sufficient purchases to his credit card.

We’re right around the 500-word mark now, and remember when that used to mean that we were 8 or 9 awful posts deep at this point? An old-school resurgence led by luminaries such as Andrew at 101 Centavos means that we’re seeing a smaller and smaller ratio of bad posts every week. Who else opens his posts with a Robert Heinlein quote, and not even from something famous like Starship Troopers or Stranger in a Strange Land? Andrew looks at how much of certain developed nations’ gross domestic product goes toward health care expenses, and finds the United States lacking. Even when we disagree with Andrew, as we kind of do this week, his arguments still provoke plenty of thought.

This week’s submitters are turning out to be the 1927 Yankees of personal finance bloggers. Defending CYC Woman of the Year Paula Pant at Afford Anything returns, with an email concerning a 23-year old woman who mistakenly has an emergency fund, but who on the other hand is not only carrying zero student debt, but has found a fiancé willing to help her pay for a new car. (She must be really hot, or he must be really old. Maybe both.) Should the woman in question take out a car loan? More specifically, should she borrow money to pay for the car so her credit score will improve? Paula has the unambiguous answer. She’s right, the woman (and her fiancé) shouldn’t take out a loan for such an indirect reason, especially since there are better ways to improve one’s credit score. But we’d want to know what rate the loan was offered at before making such a recommendation. (Anything over .9% or so and we’d certainly agree with Paula.)

Kevin Mercadente at Critical Financial says you should get a 2nd job or start a business so you can afford to pay your health insurance premia as Obamacare continues to spread destruction across what was a hampered but still functionting health insurance landscape. Take on a 2nd job so you can pay for the health insurance policy the federal government forces you to buy. We’ve come a long, long way from “a chicken in every pot.”

When you’re PKamp3 at DQYDJ.net, you’ve earned the right to be lighthearted with every 50th post or so. This week, the 7 Best Finance-Related Songs. You know what makes PKamp3 brilliant? He made a pre-emptive self-deprecating joke about putting Pink Floyd’s “Money” on his list before anyone else had a chance to. However, we can point out that PKamp3 must have suffered a temporary brain cramp, as he confused the Aerosmith guitarist who plowed through bushels of cocaine in the ’70s with the Eagles guitarist who plowed through bushels of cocaine in the ’70s. And for one shining millisecond, we were smarter than PKamp3.

Joshua Rodriguez at CNA Finance explains what secured credit cards are. For those of you whose credit is so poor or nonexistent that you need to put money down to get access to more money, these handy little pieces of plastic will get you on the road to consumer debt in no time! (Most of you, that is. The few responsible ones among you will eventually figure it out, qualify for an unsecured credit card, and only then start taking on insurmountable debt.)

You have 8 days to complete every one of the 11 recommendations Justin at Root of Good lays out, by his recommended deadline. That’s 1.4 recommendations per day. Can you do it? Recommendation 1-3, 7, and 9-11 you should be able to do within the hour. 4-6 might take most of a day, and 8 might require a scalpel and some grain alcohol.

Mark Hanna at Debt, Dividends and Diversions examines the dividend champions – companies who have paid out an ever-increasing dividend (or at least a non-decreasing one) for several years. Includes tables and graphs to put a DQYDJ Excel maestro to shame.

Finally, Jon Haver at Pay My Student Loans opens with a sentence that looks like it was written by a college freshman who’s just started incurring overwhelming debt while still applying the prose techniques that earned her an A- in her high school senior English class:

Graduation day is arguably one of the best days in the entire college experience.

Because it means you’ll be “ready to pursue a career in (your) chosen field,” you see. Especially if your chosen field is selling dresses at TJ Maxx or coffee at Tully’s, which it probably wasn’t.

On balance, a solid carnival if we do say so ourselves. Read us on Investopedia, listen to us on the Stacking Benjamins podcast, and have yourself a delightful diminished work week.

[Late addition: Nick at Step Away From the Mall, who uses what is hopefully a semi-fictitious dialogue to illustrate the points that 1) big-ticket retailers will screw you if left to their own devices, and b) our initial assumption is accurate, and innumeracy is a more dangerous deficiency than illiteracy and anemia combined.]

[PROGRAMMING NOTE: We’re taking the rest of the week off to update the site. Oh, and it’s Christmas. We’ll be back Monday. Why does it take 7 days to update a site when it takes just 18 hours to reconfigure O.co Coliseum from baseball to football or vice versa? Non-union labor, that’s why.]

Control Your Cash, Frozen Amusement Edition

eagles-lions-snow

Football’s even better when its combatants aren’t merely injuring themselves, but freezing themselves for our entertainment. NFL, please play a game on a framework of balsa wood planks balanced on a volcanic fissure vent. These overpaid jocks have it too easy.

Speaking of having it too easy, we had plenty of submissions to select from in this week’s CoW. Forthwith:

Every week we learn something from Jason at Hull Financial Planning. This week, we learned that we’re grossly antisocial and have a paucity of “strong ties” in our modest circle. We also learned that, counterintuitively, the “weak ties” will likely benefit you more, professionally speaking.

A guest post from Anita at Critical Financial. Anita’s accompanying bio says she “enjoys spending time with family,” and if someone deems that an interesting thing to say about herself, then we aren’t expecting much from the post itself. Seriously, what is the point of saying you enjoy spending time with family? Why not say “Anita has 5 fingers on each hand, and sates her hunger by eating food”?

Yeah, we were right. Here’s the opening half-paragraph:

Saving for tomorrow begins today. You may not be financially fit for your retirement if you do not invest your money now. Investing your money is one of the smartest ways to save for retirement

Which conveys every bit as much worthwhile information as the news that Anita enjoys spending time with family. What the hell does that even mean? “Investing your money is one of the smartest ways to save for retirement”? As opposed to what? Aren’t investing and saving synonyms? God, what a pile of dreck this post is:

Investing only in one company is like putting all of your eggs in one basket.

Yes, and investing in 7 companies is like putting all of your eggs in 7 baskets. This is called metaphor. Critical Financial, you’re officially on notice. Step it up or we’ll just forward your submissions to the Yakezie Carnival. Don’t worry, they’ll run anything.

Palate cleansing courtesy of PKamp3 at DQYDJ.net, the sorbet course to Critical Financial’s virgin boy egg. All too often, personal finance authorities focus on elimination of debt to the exclusion of everything else. People, being stupid by their nature, see this as reasonable advice. After all, owing money is psychologically painful and implies that you’re not as rich as you otherwise might be. What this outlook fails to account for is that you almost certainly need to borrow money to build wealth. Oh, we’re sorry, did you pay cash for your house? Never mind, then. Also, don’t conflate consumer debt with debt. It’s astonishing how many people will embrace Dave Ramsey’s mathematically unsound “debt snowball” method, yet can’t figure out that, as PKamp3 puts it,

[Y]our 401(k) match should almost definitely be prioritized over that 1.49% car loan.

Now for some tasty hákarl, from Jon Haver at Pay My Student Loans. Don’t want to burden yourself with debt obligations you’ll never be able to pay back once your useless theory of media degree is complete? Then burden the taxpayers instead! Jon has all the answers. Fill out the Free Application For Student Aid and begin adulthood with the entitlement mentality that any good parent should have beaten out of you years earlier.

Justin at Root of Good introduces the Luck Making Machine. He must be doing something right, because he retired early and seems to be leading a rich and rewarding life. If you read this post, get to the end, and fail to see the satire therein, we have a Luck Making Machine of our own we’d love to sell you.

Harry Campbell at Your PF Pro has now completely detached himself from PF, which we think stands for personal finance, and is offering posts on bike maintenance.

Josh Rodriguez at CNA Finance managed to take 1063 words to say the following: Click on this link to Prosper.com, which does peer-to-peer lending. That’s somehow comparable to investing in real companies on a real stock exchange. Also, click this link to Charles Schwab’s OptionsXpress, even though I assumed you didn’t know a thing about investing when I opened the post and now I think you should buy derivatives.

Then there’s Andrew at 101 Centavos, who a) writes beautifully, 2) chooses relevant topics and iii) has yet to waste our time with any of his posts. (Of course, it’s only a blogger like that who’d choose to take a 6-month hiatus. Welcome back, Andrew.) This week he analyzes the investment potential of Limoneira Company, which sounds Portuguese but is based in California. They grow oranges, lemons and avocados. Andrew’s analysis of Google Finance’s writeup on Limoneira is worth the price of the post just on its own.

Our Stacking Benjamins podcast co-panelist, Paula Pant at Afford Anything, has uncharitable things to say to people who insist on obsessing over saving pennies. They don’t add up. Stop pretending that they do. And don’t waste your time [contemplating] creating a budget. We added the word “contemplating” because if you haven’t made it a habit of budgeting, you aren’t going to start now. The best you can do is resolve to do it, and who are we kidding? Do like Paula says:

  1. Find an additional income source
  2. Put all that income toward savings.

Your savings rate will increase dramatically, because you’re increasing the numerator and denominator by the same amount. Again, personal finance is insanely simple. So simple that people who are determined to miss the point will do so without justification.

You all have Bank of Scotland accounts, right? Good. “Steve Patterson” reviews the bank’s Android app at Fast Swings, one of the few sites with an uglier interface than ours. BONUS: This awful blog post contains the same main image twice, and the same opening paragraph twice, saving you the trouble of going back and rereading it.

Investing in penny stocks? Sure, why not? Wouldn’t be the first terrible idea to be featured in the CoW. Someone calling herself Mayor MT at Messy Money scribbled out a post in two contradictory parts. In Part I, she explains why penny stocks are a bad idea. Okay, fine. In Part II, she asks you to suspend whatever residual disbelief you might have from Part I and tells you how to obtain information about penny stock companies. Post contains this great if unoriginal line:

My standard response when asked about penny stocks is this:  “Penny stocks are speculative investments and people should only invest the amount of money they would be comfortable losing in a casino.”

Why would you be comfortable losing any amount of money in a casino? Or anywhere else, for that matter?

4 more of these? We’ll never make it. From Jack at E-Money Log, how to shop at a thrift store. It seems that the method goes beyond finding something you like and seeing if you also like the price:

These second hand stores offer clothes to fit different sizes

Ha! And all this time you thought that thrift stores sold pants in 36 medium only. Also,

Thrift shops have a collection of books

For who?

for the book lover

Thanks for that. The best part about this [running out of adjectives here. Thesaurus.com, help us out] banal post is that it comes with 18 share icons. You can avail the world of this post via Digg, MySpace, Reddit, something called Sphinn, or something else called Posterous.

You’ve made it this far, and we thank you for that. Meanwhile, Jason at Hull Financial Planning is grateful that we no longer wait until the end of the CoW to feature his genius. Mark Wang at The Money Mail says you need renter’s insurance. We’d say you should get out of Manhattan and buy a house, but what do we know? We’d also say this post is verbose, but it’s pithy compared to the one by the peer-to-peer lending guy. (As you can tell, we’re so jaded at this point that we can’t be bothered to spend 3 seconds scrolling up to confirm his name.)

2 more and we’re done, swear to God. Easy Extra Dollar is another CoW rookie this week, with a post titled “Avoiding Scam Online Job” (sic). According to the post’s author, one way to avoid scam online job is to:

be weary (sic) of job ads that contain lots of punctuation, spelling, or grammar mistakes

We’re not weary of that, nor of irony, but we are pretty weary of these loathsome submissions. Finally, from Christopher at This, That and the MBA, a post on how to bank online. For our readers who were encased in carbonite in 1995 and are thawing out only now. It’s a paid post for a British bank – a subsidiary of the Bank of Scotland, no less! Scotland: the country that combined the worst stereotypes of Russians and Jews. (Russians are cheap and Jews love to drink. Oh, you thought we meant the opposite? Now who’s the bigot?)

Check us out on Investopedia, where we’re forced to keep it far more polite than we do here. ‘Til next time.

Carnival of Wealth, Wristwatch Edition

At the very least, think about how much of the price of each watch they must have to pay an endorser who's already worth hundreds of millions.

At the very least, think about how much money they have to spend to lure an endorser who’s already worth hundreds of millions.

 

How are people still buying watches? There is nothing of less utility. Even (other) jewelry, earrings and pendants and the like, doesn’t pretend to be functional or anything but decorative. But we’re supposed to believe that this Breitling Chronomat should somehow be duodecuple the price of an iPhone? The Breitling not only tells time, assuming that you set it correctly without benefit of it connecting to a server, it takes up space on your wrist. While doing nothing else. Find a smartphone that can perform all that, why don’t you?

People are idiots. But not the Carnival of Wealth submitters, at least not from our cursory peek at this week’s roster. Which starts with a pity submission from Nelson at the newly revamped Financial Uproar, who saw last week’s dismal festival (really more of a neighborhood piñata party, for a crippled kid who lives in the barrio) and decided to contribute. Nelson discusses payday loans, those prohibitively expensive advances that poor and/or stupid (mostly the latter) people use in lieu of making enough money and watching how much they spend. More specifically, he cites yet another idiot personal finance blogger who is comically inept about money, to the extent that she takes out payday loans (plural) of her own, yet who has the audacity to say that payday lenders are evil.

It is my belief that Payday (sic) lenders make the bulk of their money on those interest payments.

That’s like saying “It is my belief that Toyota makes the bulk of its money on vehicles.”Ever notice how losers love to set goals? As a rule, the more numbered lists of future accomplishments a person has posted on the walls of his or her sad little apartment, the less that person ever gets done. It’s similar to the phenomenon of the most out-of-shape people at the gym wearing the fanciest weightlifting gloves. Jason at Hull Financial Planning explains that equating goal-setting with success is like equating owning a North Face jacket with summiting Everest. Here’s a better idea: find someone hypersuccessful – like, say, a U.S. Military Academy graduate who built and sold a lucrative business – and just do what he tells you to.Harry Campbell at Your PF Pro either got paid to write a post about American Express, or really, really likes their social media promotions.Jim at Critical Financial crapped out a post about billionaires donating to charity, and now we’ve already run as many submissions as we did last week and are thus entering the gravy part of the CoW.

Once again, the intimidatingly brilliant PKamp3 at DQYDJ.net writes a better one-line synopsis than most anyone else’s entire post. As he describes it, this is “[t]he first ever article in which I compare debt bloggers to people infected with toxoplasmosis.” This is one of those few posts where almost every line in it could serve as a representative quote. Here are 3 to get you started:

just because you’ve got $0 in debt and a $10,000 emergency fund doesn’t mean you’re financially independent.

Don’t catch the [debt payoff] fever…because the only solution is more debt payoff.

The problem […] isn’t the new drive to pay off debt… it’s the complete denial that there are any other ways to improve one’s financial situation.

Everything he said.

And nothing this guy says: a submitter making his first and presumably last visit to our shores, Mo Wally at Success Mnual (sic). Seriously, that’s the name of his site. He spelled “success” correctly, which isn’t always easy for some people to do, yet dropped the ball on “manual,” thinking you can somehow get by without any kind of vowel between the m and the n. This post is 300 words long, 15 of which are “distill” and its variants. To wit:

One technique to help propel us faster on our journey to peak performance is to distil wisdom from our days.

Is this Peter J. Buscemi, writing under a pseudonym?

Got dang it, you encourage more submitters and this is what happens. Welcome Jon Haver at Our Insurance Canada, who mistakes one preposition for another and comes up with this unintentionally funny title, “Scary Facts About Canadians Traveling Without Medical Insurance.” Would you like to know a way to avoid high medical bills when visiting other countries? Here, we’ll make it a hangman-style puzzle:

B _ Y   I N S _ R A N C E

Shh. No hints. Also, Jon has a handy link to a clearinghouse for a company that sells…some sort of guaranteed coverage in exchange for payment of a premium.

Alright, fine. These awful posts are fun to make fun of. Doesn’t mean we enjoy doing it, though.

Let’s close this out with a flourish of competence, shall we? Starting with Justin McCurry at Root of Good, who’s 3 months into the glorious realization that the conventional office is a dreadful place to be.

I’m still waiting for the nostalgia of the workplace to set in.

Told you he’s funny. This post is also an elegy, or possibly eulogy, for his oven. Which lasted 41 years. If we were ratiocinating crazy person Trent Hamm at The Simple Dollar we’d have calculated that Justin (and the oven’s prior owners) averaged .24917¢ of oven depreciation per meal, excluding the untold billions wasted on the energy used to cook and possibly illuminate the food therein. But we wouldn’t do that, we’re not insane.

Justin also admits that

I still don’t feel like there are enough hours in the day

A quandary we here at CYC Headquarters marvel at daily. How do people manage to cook/clean/enjoy life/exercise/run errands/visit friends/have sex while stuck at a workplace 8 hours a day? It stumps us.

It also stumps Paula Pant at Afford Anything, who touches on PKamp3’s realization that there’s more to life than the freedom of paying down one’s debt. In fact, she categorizes debt freedom as one among a triumvirate of freedoms, the other 2 being location freedom and financial freedom. HEY IDIOT DEBT BLOGGERS AND THOSE WHO READ THEM: THAT PAULA DISTINGUISHES DEBT FREEDOM FROM FINANCIAL FREEDOM SHOULD CLUE YOU IN THAT THE TWO ARE VASTLY, VASTLY DIFFERENT. Just read Paula’s entire archives. Imagine a writer who has all of Tim Ferriss’s good ideas and none of his pretentious stupid ones. Also, Paula’s sexuality is unambiguous.

Nothing like a post from the long-dormant Andrew at 101 Centavos to continue the nostalgic theme. Andrew was one of our favorite submitters, his posts an eclectic mélange of historical references, arcane jokes and sound advice. Then, 7 months ago, he disappeared. He returns this week with Ten Things You Can Do To Impress People At Work, a title which would foreshadow a crushing bore of a post if anyone else wrote it. Andrew makes it interesting, and even semi-controversial. (For the record, we’ll endorse things #2 through #9, not so much #1.) Here’s a highlight from #6:

Ladies, read some fashion magazines and pick outfits that complement curves.

Followed by an even better sentence:

Resist the temptation to show cleavage

Relax, he has sartorial advice for guys, too. But the advice for women is clear. Also, it puts the thought in our heads that through our (this is the male half of CYC doing the typing, and the thinking) old corporate careers, we might well have had female coworkers who were dying to show off some chestal area but opted to go conservative instead.

There we go, just like old times. A few gems, a few pieces of dross. Check us out on Investopedia, download us on the Stacking Benjamins podcast, and be kind to animals. As you were.